Colbert Thinks He Knows Who Madison Cawthorn’s Republican Cocaine Orgies Claim Is About (Video)

It’s the exact Florida congressman you’re probably also thinking of

In an attempt to knock the conversation about Will Smith slapping Chris Rock off the headlines, the news gods gave Americans a particularly weird gift on Monday — Hard right Republican congressman Madison Cawthorn, who claimed in an interview that since arriving in Washington, he’s been invited to orgies by fellow Republicans, some of whom who did cocaine in front of him.

And on Tuesday’s “The Late Show,” Stephen Colbert took a wild guess at just who Cawthorn could be talking about, and it’s exactly who most of the people reading this post probably thought of.

But before we get to Colbert’s jokes, here’s what Cawthorn said during an appearance on the “Warrior Poet” podcast:

“The sexual perversion that goes on in Washington … being kind of a young guy in Washington, where the average of is probably 60 or 70 — [you] look at all these people, a lot of them that I’ve looked up to through my life, I’ve always paid attention to politics. Then all of a sudden you get invited, ‘oh hey, we’re going to have a sexual get-together at one of our homes, you should come.’ What did you just ask me to come to? And then you realize they’re asking you to come to an orgy. Some of the people leading on the movement to try and remove addiction in our country, and then you watch them do a key bump of cocaine right in front of you. And it’s like, this is wild.”

Now back to Colbert, who ended his monologue Tuesday by talking about it.

“Yeah this is wild. In that he acts very innocent, and clearly knows what a key bump of cocaine is,” Colbert joked.

“Now, no surprise, no surprise, his claims of a cocaine-fueled, fiscally conservative flesh pit ruffled a few Republican feathers, which Hawthorn says they use to decorate their “Eyes Wide Shut” masks,” Colbert continued.

“So ruffled were those feathers that earlier today, House Minority Leader and guy at the orgy cooling his wang in the spinach dip … Kevin McCarthy, felt it necessary to hold a meeting in which multiple Republicans in the room stood up to air their anger and frustration over Cawthorn portraying his own colleagues as bacchanalian and sexual deviants,” Colbert continued.

“Well, I can understand why they’re upset. By not naming names, Cawthorn has implicated the entire GOP. I mean, the guy with the orgy and cocaine could be any Matt Gaetz,” Colbert concluded, referring to the Florida congressman being investigated for possibly having sex with under age prostitutes and using drugs (who, it should be noted, has consistently denied this).

Watch the whole monologue at the top of the page. The stuff about the alleged Republican cocaine orgies comes at the end.

Oh, and if you’re wondering, no, Cawthorn’s wild story didn’t manage to knock Will Smith and Chris Rock out of the news. Try harder next time, news gods.