It's the holiday season. And no one is more interested in celebrating this time of year than me, your humble host, Temp X.
While some people hate my musical numbers (although not as much as they hate my drunken Twitter posts on "Glee"), I can't help myself. Every time I go to the 99 Cent Store to blow my pittance of a paycheck, I get swept up in the Musak-inspired Christmas carols they blast from the COBY CD/cassette player behind Register No. 2.
So it is with this, I decided to write my own tune. It's to the tune of the "Twelve Days of Christmas." And I'd like to dedicate it to every soulless executive in this town. Or put more simply, every executive in this town.
Enjoy.
ON THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
MY ASSHOLE BOSS GAVE TO ME
A BONUS CHECK FOR A DOLLAR FIFTY.
ON THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
MY ASSHOLE BOSS GAVE TO ME
TWO DOGS TO POOP,
AND A BONUS CHECK FOR A DOLLAR FIFTY.
ON THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
MY ASSHOLE BOSS GAVE TO ME
THREE CARS TO WASH,
TWO DOGS TO POOP,
AND A BONUS CHECK FOR A DOLLAR FIFTY.
ON THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
MY ASSHOLE BOSS GAVE TO ME
FOUR EXPENSE REPORTS,
THREE CARS TO WASH,
TWO DOGS TO POOP,
AND A BONUS CHECK FOR A DOLLAR FIFTY.
ON THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
MY ASSHOLE BOSS GAVE TO ME
FIVE MIGRAINES,
FOUR EXPENSE REPORTS,
THREE CARS TO WASH,
TWO DOGS TO POOP,
AND A BONUS CHECK FOR A DOLLAR FIFTY.
ON THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
MY ASSHOLE BOSS GAVE TO ME
SIX PILES OF FILING,
FIVE MIGRAINES,
FOUR EXPENSE REPORTS,
THREE CARS TO WASH,
TWO DOGS TO POOP,
AND A BONUS CHECK FOR A DOLLAR FIFTY.
ON THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
MY ASSHOLE BOSS GAVE TO ME
SEVEN PACKAGES TO MAIL,
SIX PILES OF FILING,
FIVE MIGRAINES,
FOUR EXPENSE REPORTS,
THREE CARS TO WASH,
TWO DOGS TO POOP,
AND A BONUS CHECK FOR A DOLLAR FIFTY.
ON THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
MY ASSHOLE BOSS GAVE TO ME
EIGHT MEMOS TO WRITE,
SEVEN PACKAGES TO MAIL,
SIX PILES OF FILING,
FIVE MIGRAINES,
FOUR EXPENSE REPORTS,
THREE CARS TO WASH,
TWO DOGS TO POOP,
AND A BONUS CHECK FOR A DOLLAR FIFTY.
ON THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
MY ASSHOLE BOSS GAVE TO ME
NINE CALLS TO ROLL,
EIGHT MEMOS TO WRITE,
SEVEN PACKAGES TO MAIL,
SIX PILES OF FILING,
FIVE MIGRAINES,
FOUR EXPENSE REPORTS,
THREE CARS TO WASH,
TWO DOGS TO POOP,
AND A BONUS CHECK FOR A DOLLAR FIFTY.
ON THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
MY ASSHOLE BOSS GAVE TO ME
TEN SPECS TO READ,
NINE CALLS TO ROLL,
EIGHT MEMOS TO WRITE,
SEVEN PACKAGES TO MAIL,
SIX PILES OF FILING,
FIVE MIGRAINES,
FOUR EXPENSE REPORTS,
THREE CARS TO WASH,
TWO DOGS TO POOP,
AND A BONUS CHECK FOR A DOLLAR FIFTY.
ON THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
MY ASSHOLE BOSS GAVE TO ME
ELEVEN LUNCHES TO ORDER,
TEN SPECS TO READ,
NINE CALLS TO ROLL,
EIGHT MEMOS TO WRITE,
SEVEN PACKAGES TO MAIL,
SIX PILES OF FILING,
FIVE MIGRAINES,
FOUR EXPENSE REPORTS,
THREE CARS TO WASH,
TWO DOGS TO POOP,
AND A BONUS CHECK FOR A DOLLAR FIFTY.
ON THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
MY ASSHOLE BOSS GAVE TO ME
TWELVE SCRIPTS TO COPY,
ELEVEN LUNCHES TO ORDER,
TEN SPECS TO READ,
NINE CALLS TO ROLL,
EIGHT MEMOS TO WRITE,
SEVEN PACKAGES TO MAIL,
SIX PILES OF FILING,
FIVE MIGRAINES,
FOUR EXPENSE REPORTS,
THREE CARS TO WASH,
TWO DOGS TO POOP,
AND A BONUS CHECK FOR A DOLLAR FIFTY!
