Update; also read: "Lindsay Lohan Released From Jail, Headed to Rehab."
A wailing and shocked Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 90 days behind bars on July 6 on the orders of Judge Marsha Revel for violating probation stemming from a 2007 DUI.
Having served a greatly reduced sentence because of prison overcrowding and the nonviolent nature of her DUI and probation-violation offenses, the troubled actress could be out as early as midnight on Sunday, Aug. 1.
Not that the public will see her for very long: She has to report to an in-patient rehab facility within 24 hours of release. She might even go straight there. “As soon as an inmate leaves the facility,” a sheriff’s spokesperson told TheWrap, “they fall under the jurisdiction of the probation department, and what happens next is in their hands.”
Sure, but what happens next to the life and career of Lindsay Lohan is in her own well-manicured hands. While not as hard as any efforts the vile-tongued Mel Gibson might make to resurrect his seemingly dead career, turning around the Lindsay train wreck of the past few years won’t be easy – but it is doable.
Here's how Lindsay Lohan can save herself and her career:
1. FORGET PARIS
Thank God for Paris Hilton! The socialite’s three-week stint in the Century Regional Detention Facility on her own DUI a few years back and her release on June 26, 2007, serves as the perfect blueprint to you, LiLo – if you want to become an irrelevant joke.
After a stage-managed release and heavily photographed dash into her mother’s arms, the shameless Hilton tried to cash in on her renewed notoriety. That included a Larry King appearance in which the newly religious Hilton — who couldn’t name her fave passage from the Bible – clumsily and insincerely read a statement promising to set up a program to help drug addicts and “make a difference.”
One look at Punchline Paris, who has had a few run-ins with the law over marijuana use lately, should convince you it is a foolish strategy.
2. DUMP TRUMP
You might think getting in front of a camera ASAP is the best plan once you get out of rehab in October. Not. It will make you look cheap and desperate. Stay off reality TV, like those "Celeb Apprentice" rumors Donald Trump and others are fanning.
Stay away from the tabs and that destined straight-to-DVD Linda Lovelace biopic you are supposedly starring in. Wanna be a serious actress again, Lindsay, act like one. Wanna silence the guttersnipes? It’s simple — stay out of the gutter.
Stay clean, put in some low-key, high-quality work onscreen and the last year will seem like a bump on an otherwise smooth road.
3. TALK TO MERYL
You might have become a freak magnet – and we’re not just talking about your family – but you also still has some support from credible circles. Meryl Streep, possibly the greatest actress alive and your “Prairie Home Companion” co-star, has never backtracked from her 2006 statement that “Lindsay Lohan is a fantastic actress.” As Streep says, so let it be done.
Lindsay, why not show Meryl the respect she deserves and quietly go to her for advice? At worse she’ll tell you to grow up. At best, perhaps she’ll offer you a role in her next project – and few things say “back on top” than working with Meryl Streep.
4. FASHION CARES
Your supportive pal and "Machete" director Robert Rodriguez is putting together a line with Nordstrom to celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month. Follow his lead.
You have your own clothing and leggings line — embrace the fashion world to raise your profile and give the money to help young women in substance abuse programs … it’s called doing good, LiLo. People won’t forget.
5. MOCK ROCKS
Once you’re out, don’t start shilling and whining again on Twitter. Stop blaming your dad and the justice system.
Instead, have a laugh at your own expense. If it rings true, you’d be amazed at how hard we’ll laugh with you.
The word on the street, and certainly from what director Robert Rodriguez said at Comic-Con, is that you turned in a very solid gun-trotting cameo performance in the upcoming grindhouse homage “Machete.” Maybe this is the comeback you’ve been looking for.
Of course, it would have to be pretty amazing to top the mock eHarmony dating ad you did for Will Farrell’s FunnyorDie last year. With perfect comic timing and a sparkle in your eye, “the searching for love” LiLo, who had recently broken up with girlfriend Samantha Ronson at the time, listed among her qualifications as “singlehandedly kept 90 percent of all gossip websites in business.”
Yes, you trivialized her alcoholism and her probation but your “redhead with a little bit of sass” instantly reminded us all why we still wanna root for you.