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'Idol' Gets Smokey

I can’t believe they are still doing that lame melodramatic thing where the judges walk onto stage and are announced. Is this the reason the show is still clocking in at two hours? Ridiculous!

(I also can’t believe Ryan Seacrest made an allusion to oral sex when Paula reached under the desk to get a coloring book for Simon, who was acting “childish,” apparently.)

It was Motown Week! Smokey Robinson was the guest mentor, and the Idols got to travel to Detroit to see where it all began.

Matt Giraud: His version of “Let’s Get It On” made me want to -- uh, well -- “get it on” with him. Granted, he isn’t the hottest guy in the contest -- that honor belongs to Kris Allen -- but once you watch Giraud perform, there is no question that his falsetto and piano playing are intoxicating. He is bringing sexy back, and them other boys don’t know how to act (except for Anoop).

Kris Allen: Had to be the “sensitive frat guy with the guitar” in college. Ryan even called him “bro!” He did his best Jason Mraz on “How Sweet It Is to Be Loved By You,” and the only thing missing was a beer pong table and some drunken sorority girls. Perhaps his young wife was one of said girls a few years ago?

Scott MacIntyre: Scott’s voice was pleasant enough on “You Can’t Hurry Love” but there was no passion there. Praise Jesus, he didn’t attempt any falsetto this time. I wonder if someone told him what a disaster it was. I am also starting to wonder if the glam squad is playing a joke on him with his hair. (He can’t see it, you know.) Disappointingly, he shelved himself behind the piano again. When are we gonna see his blind dance moves? That would really separate him from Stevie Wonder (as would his lack of real talent)!

Megan Joy: Could not have looked more uncomfortable on stage singing “For Once in My Life” last night -- gorgeous, but uncomfortable nonetheless. Unfortunately for her, pretty does not an Idol make. She is really living up to her Wild Card status; I mean, it’s wild that she’s still there at all! Hopefully America will keep her around for a few more laughs.

Anoop Desai: Got serious and sensual again with “Ooh Baby Baby.” I’m not complaining; he makes me swoon like a Bollywood heroine. But I miss his earnest interpretations of songs like “Beat It.” Hopefully my seven votes will help keep him in the game.

Michael Sarver: Sang “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg,” an appropriate choice, seeing as he’s pretty much begging to stay in the competition at this point. Seriously, when I heard Seacrest announce his name, my first thought was, “Wait, he’s still on the show?” Not for much longer, and it’s a good thing. There are still oil rigs out there that need to be, uh, “roughnecked.”

Lil Rounds: The only African American in the Top 10, and it’s Motown Week. No pressure. Just like Michael Sarver was the only one to represent during Hillbilly -- uh, “Country Week,” Lil had more to prove. She didn’t really come through with “Heatwave.” To be fair, though, she had an emotional week -- ruminating with Smokey over how far they’d come (I thought for sure they’d talk about Obama!) and working on her Diana Ross costume.

Adam Lambert: Must have been going with Lil Rounds to that costume party after the show, as he was a dead ringer for (young, not fat) Elvis. Hate to say it but it was all really quite cool -- the arrangement of “The Tracks of My Tears,” the look, everything. Paula complimented him on his grooming, but I still think he could stand to wear a little less pancake foundation.

Danny Gokey: Sang the most infectious number of the night, “Get Ready.” He even did a few old-school Motown moves with the backup dancers. It wasn’t the best performance of the night, but it sure was fun! I can’t wait to this church music director go against Glambert in the final stages of the competition. It will be like Jesus versus Satan!

Allison Iraheta: Again came off much older than her 16 years on “Papa Was a Rolling Stone.” How did she get all that pain and angst? We know that her daddy is not really a rolling stone. Is she drawing from the pain of being a teen? Maybe she saw a “very special episode” of “Degrassi: The Next Generation” or “Lizzie McGuire.”

Tonight’s results should send Michael Sarver packing. With so much star quality and “mad talent,” there is no longer room for mediocrity. Well, except in the case of Megan Joy Corkrey -- that girl should start her own comedy cabaret!