‘More to Love’s’ a Guilty Not-Pleasure

The producers of “More to Love” have more to learn about the delicate balance between empathy and pity. Being curvy is hard, ya’ll! But it shouldn’t be used as a blanket excuse for one’s innumerable psychological issues. Don’t get me wrong; I like my crying with a side of crazy. But maybe they should take […]

Last Updated: August 5, 2009 @ 7:00 AM

The producers of “More to Love” have more to learn about the delicate balance between empathy and pity. Being curvy is hard, ya’ll! But it shouldn’t be used as a blanket excuse for one’s innumerable psychological issues.

Don’t get me wrong; I like my crying with a side of crazy. But maybe they should take a lesson from the master, Ms. Paula Abdul. She’s got a lot of free time coming up.

Even the simple task of choosing teams for the two group dates somehow incited tearful flashbacks of being the last pick at elementary school recess! (This, by the way, screams of personality disorder. Why else wouldn’t your classmates choose you, knowing that you’d make a perfectly good linebacker?)

One thing that we can be thankful for is that the girls’ weights were not posted alongside their names during their confessionals this week. It was unnecessary and insensitive, like selling your daughter’s Girl Scout cookies at your Weight Watchers meeting.

While I can’t deny reveling in the drama and psychoses provided by the women on other dating spectacles, such as “More to Love’s” (hotter, thinner) sister show, “The Bachelor,” somehow I feel guilty laughing at these girls. And it’s not because of their weight.  It’s because of their lack of confidence. 

Take adorably pathetic Kristian, who “could be falling in love.”  (On Episode 2, people!) Then there’s Melissa, whose criteria for Prince Charming is “someone that will not be embarrassed to be with me.”  Aim high, girl! (And, BTW, good luck with that now that the show has broadcast all your self-esteem issues to the world.)

I never knew that the phrase “because I’m a bigger girl” could be mixed and matched with so many clauses, ranging from “every one of my boyfriends has cheated on me” to “I have never been on a date. Ever.” Oh, don’t forget “I will never have a singing career despite my talent.” Please! Remember Jessica Simpson in those fat jeans?

Granted, there are a few standouts who are comfortable in their own skin. “Gentle giantess” Anna, measuring in at around 6 feet tall, seems to be the compassionate older sister of the group, encouraging others to wear swimsuits with confidence. (Or is that her strategy? Hmmm … )

Likewise, alternative Bonnie, who claims to be like a ’50s housewife in tattoos, is stunning and quick with the witty comments. Example from last week: “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And his pants. But you go for the stomach first, because that’s what classy women do." Let’s hope she’s not planning on playing “classy.”

Another one to keep an eye on? Buxom blonde Malissa, who is either uberconfident or severely underconfident — it’s sometimes hard to tell the difference. Either way, she takes on the requisite “bitch” role, commenting on how she is the biggest threat and expressing glee at the prospect of more girls getting the boot.

I will be very disappointed (and shocked) if I don’t see more crying in the confessional next week, paired with desperate professions of love for Luke and his acceptance of the “less fortunate.”  (Seriously, I hope Kleenex is one of the sponsors!)

I will also be a letdown if gossip monger Lauren gets the boot before I can discover what her tattoo depicts. That’s right, she’s got one right there on her boob.

“Because,” to quote Bonnie, “that’s what classy women do.”