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‘Depression’ Replaces ‘Same-Day Flowers’ in Top Valentine’s Search Terms

A saddening look at our national lack of planning

Wait, it’s Valentine’s Day? the nation’s dudes asked Friday, before turning to Google and Yahoo for help.

The No. 6 search term on Yahoo Friday morning was “same-day flowers.” Oops.

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Others struck too late by Cupid’s arrow tried to woo their lovers with words: “Valentine’s Day poems” was the No. 2 search on Google, because nothing says “I love you” like a poem you hastily plagiarized.

The No. 2 Yahoo search term was Chrissy Teigan, just named as one of the cover models on the new Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Teigan’s husband, R&B crooner John Legend, no doubt ordered her flowers by Thursday, if not Wednesday. He probably also wrote her a song with words that he made up himself.

Also read: Forget Flowers, ‘Robocop’ Ready to Romance the Valentine’s Weekend Box Office

Soon, a malaise set in, as a nation of men realized that they were no John Legend: that they weren’t even a John Mayer. “Same-day flowers” was replaced on Yahoo by a less hopeful term: “Depression.”

By midday Friday, Googlers had made “Heart” Google’s most-searched term. “Hearts” came in No. 3. It was unclear if those searching for hearts were looking for chocolate hearts to give in lieu of flowers, or hearts to eat alone in the coat room because they received no flowers, or cures for a broken heart.

Google’s No. 2 search term was Sports Illustrated.