Palin Does It Her Way — One Palm at a Time

The ex-governor is dangerous because serious female politicians can’t compete with the cheerleader — think “Heroes”

Last Updated: February 9, 2010 @ 4:12 PM

No offense to hillbillies. It’s satire, get it? Satire, according to Sara. Palin’s definition when dismissing Rush Limbaugh’s love-affair with the word “retarded.”

But that was last week. This week is all about subterfuge. Sleight of hand, like a magician.

Too bad Palin hadn’t taken any Ricky Jay classes. Let’s all agree that she hasn’t quite mastered the art of artful distraction. Doesn’t help when you study your hand like a book when formulating a thought bubble — you have to steal furtive, quick peeks. Take it from an ex-ink-stained wretch.

The last time I wrote on my hand (we called it cheating) was for some high-school math class. I just didn’t understand the algebraic formulas we had to memorize. Now of course, rote memorization is ancient history — why should you have to memorize stuff you can easily look up? Regardless, all my cramming simply didn’t take and I shamefully resorted to writing some algorithm on my hand for the midterm exam. Which I couldn’t read because my flop sweat had extended to my hands and smeared the numbers.
I got a D.
Palin, a quit-during midterm- governor had to crib her way through some lame-ass softball interview and was paid a chill $100K to work her Marian-the-Librarian schtick at some teabag hoopla? And she gets a pass for cheating. Why didn’t she write names of magazines and papers on her hand when Katie Couric asked those oh-so-tough questions?
Unfortunately for Team Palin, there’s some high-tech gadget that allows cameras to zoom in real tightly so her poker hand was revealed before all. Does anyone have a theory as to why she crossed out the word “budget”? The mystery deepens.
Fortunately for the likes of Jon Stewart and his cadre, she’s paying for the latest deception this week and will undoubtedly be mocked mercilessly on "SNL." Hopefully by Tina Fey, because come on, how could she not?
Pretty Palin, the Republicans’ collective valentine and secret crush, is dangerous because serious female politicians can’t compete with the cheerleader. Think “Heroes.” Unless enough of them rally in favor of unscripted (or teleprompter is OK) intellectual prowess and good sanitation habits (like not writing on hands with ink).
This hillbilly Palm Pilot-dependent amateur acts like she’s running for office in a Student Council race.  And she came how close to being #2 in the White House?
For those women who really, really like Palin, nothing she can do or say will dissuade them from admiring her as a go-getter and smart charmer. “I like her because she says things that I think,” observed a typical supporter residing in Arizona.
That’s what I’m afraid of.
These tea-lovers don’t simply listen to her nonsense babble and plain-speaking ways. They come to study and admire her hair and clothes and check out her lipstick. Gloss? Matte? Her bangs really framed her face! And so what if her teen daughter had a baby out-of-wedlock and the baby-daddy posed naked for a rag bought mostly by gay men? We all have those family issues, don’t we? At least they didn’t pretend to launch one of her kids in mylar for publicity.
Nope, she’s doing it her way.
One palm at a time. 
 
 

Naomi Serviss has covered Broadway, celebrities, lavish resorts and high-end spas. Based in New York City, she's still hooked on Hollywood.