The man-on-man action hit a fever-pitch on NBC’s “Saturday Night Live” this week, with wrestler-turned-actor Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson thrusting his face into another man’s crotch, while the other gent buried his own mug into Johnson’s man-region.
The golden moment came during a segment depicting an “Indiana Jones” knockoff movie, “Escape From Jungle Island.” Johnson plays “Dr. Bones” (get it?), an adventurer who finds himself on an island with a male companion, Shortlong, and a female companion, who’s desperate for Dr. Bones’ attention.
As the trio attempts to retrieve a valuable crystal, they’re besieged by natives shooting poison blowdarts at them. The darts land, very conveniently, in Johnson’s nipple, buttocks and, eventually, his crotch. Or, more inclusively, Dr. Bones and Shortlong’s crotches. As the female cohort offers her assistance in sucking the poison out of the affected areas, she’s shot down by Shortlong, who eventually cartwheels into Johnson’s arms, his nether regions planted in Johnson’s face, and his own face in the proximity of Johnson’s groin-girder.
So, yeah, a gay-old time was had on “Saturday Night Live” this week.
Elsewhere, during the cold open, Johnson reprised his role as angry president The Rock Obama, dispatching foes including Texas senator Ted Cruz (cast member Bobby Moynihan), who recently announced his intention to run for president.
Johnson also touched on his wrestling roots in a skit about a Wrestlemania match during which Johnson’s character, Koko WatchOut, eviscerated his opponent (played by Moynihan) via Internet-enabled personal terrorism. After revealing that his opponent had herpes, Johnson further divulged that the opponent had a child he’d never had contact with, because he is unfit to be a parent.
Oh, and that Koko WatchOut — replete with blonde mullet — had seduced his opponent over the internet, using a photo of the opponent’s daughter.
“You know that picture of ‘Stacey’ you’ve been spanking it to? It’s a picture of Evelyn, the daughter you’ve never met,” Johnson intoned.
The episode also took aim at Disney’s live-action-reboot fever, depicting a “Fast and Furious”-style revamp of “Bambi,” with Johnson as the title character, who plots to decimate a hunting lodge while declaring, “Now it’s time for them to pay – deerly.”
This week’s “Weekend Update” segment riffed on the signing of Indiana’s recent anti-gay law and Hillary Clinton’s email woes.
But, definitely, the takeaway? Dwayne Johnson, face-in-crotch and crotch-in-face. Ain’t life grand?