That Chuck Lorre — what a card.
No, seriously; what a card.
The "Big Bang Theory" and "Two and a Half Men" honcho — who's used the vanity cards at the end of his shows to expound on everything from former "Men" star Charlie Sheen to the humilities of aging — used Thursday night's "Big Bang Theory" card to rant about presidential candidate Mitt Romney and the current state of the Republican party.
Unfortunately for fans of political mud-flinging, the card never made it to air. Lorre published the card on his website instead, noting that he'd opted for self-censorship.
"I've decided to save everybody a lot of unhappiness and not submit this week's vanity card to the CBS censors (I know when I've crossed the line with these things and don't need a bunch of corporate lawyers getting their cotton blend panties in a bunch)," Lorre wrote.
Kind of a shame, really, because it's quite a doozy.
The card takes shots at GOP politicians' recent stances on everything from rape to FEMA, along with a dig at the reality series "The Bachelor" and a not-so-veiled reference to Romney's Mormonism.
The card ends with a wholesale condemnation of modern American society.
The text of the vanity card is presented below in its entirety, to preserve flavor and flow:
CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #397
CENSORED BY ME
What does it say about us when we are simultaneously pro-life and pro AK-47's? What does it say about us when God's will would allow a rapist to ask for shared custody and child support payments? What does it say about us when a black guy's in charge and we say things like "it's time to take America back"? What does it say about us when we think the institution of marriage is threatened by gay people who love each other, but not by idiotic game shows like "The Bachelor"? What does it say about us when we export democracy with Hellfire missiles, then restrict the right to vote here? What does it say about us when we build nuclear submarines to defend against exploding vests? What does it say about us when we think a guy who doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, keeps his money offshore, stubs his toe and says "H-E-double hockey sticks" and wears magical underwear can feel our pain? What does it say about us when we demand less government and more FEMA? What does it say about us when we completely forgot the colossal shit storm we were in four years ago?
The answer, my friends, is not blowing in the wind.
The answer is, "We are fucking crazy."
It's just a shame that Lorre has trouble sharing his feelings.