Herman Cain will spend July 4th helping to take back the country with humor, insight and patriotic dinosaurs. We think. Frankly, we're still a little confused by what we've just witnessed.
Former presidential contender and pizza baron Cain has released a teaser for his new Internet television venture, CainTV, which launches on Wednesday, and the result is three minutes and 25 seconds of "huh?" that you won't soon forget, no matter how many doses of liquid patriotism you consume on Wednesday.
What starts out as a fairly lucid, if lowbrow, reflection on the debate over government-subsidized birth control quickly moves on to a cartoon dream sequence during which St. Reagan schools Barack Obama on the evils of socialism. A subsequent cartoon depicts the birth of an exceedingly patriotic dinosaur. (Which, as any good conservative will tell you, roamed alongside the cavemen during the Earth's earliest days, approximately 500 years ago.)
Eventually, Cain himself appears on screen to inform viewers, "they think we are stupid." (A shocking allegation, considering what the viewer has just witnessed.) Cain wraps up the preview with the declaration, "Let's give a lamb a gun!"
Sniff; with an uplifting message like that, who will really need fireworks to feel patriotic this July 4th?
Watch the spectacle unfold in the video.