John Oliver has lied exactly 31 times about where Jon Stewart has been all summer.
The fill-in host has opened each "Daily Show" with a fake, often ridiculous excuse about where the man with his name on the coffee mugs was that evening.
In truth, the full-time host since 1999 has been in the Middle East shooting his debut feature film, "Rosewater."
Oliver opened his final show as interim host by reflecting upon some of his personal favorite moments from the past few months, including that time that Daft Punk performed on "The Daily Show" instead of "The Colbert Report."
OK, that one he made up.
But the temp anchor recalled some of the most popular news stories from his craziest summer.
First up on Thursday, Oliver took aim at disgraced San Diego Mayor Bob Filner, comparing the sexual harasser's creepy smile to Jack Nicholson's Joker grin.
"That might seem like a cruel joke about somebody else's appearance," Oliver said, "In my defense, f— this guy."
Oliver's next victim was Russia, which is both housing Edward Snowden and banning the gays.
Don't worry Anthony Weiner, you'll get yours.
The Brit ended his opening segment opining, "There are so many things I'll miss this summer, but I'll miss you most of all, Carlos Danger." He then did his calling card dance to Mystikal's "Danger," which Oliver called the real song of the summer.
Later, the comedian checked in with all of his correspondents, who did not quite have any reciprocal kind words for their exiting interim leader. Even former "Daily Show" correspondents Wyatt Cenac and Rob Riggle showed up just to insult the job that their one-time colleague did with the Comedy Central program.
After interviewing the night's guest, Simon Pegg, Oliver ended his tenure by simply saying, "Thank you so much to all the staff here." He continued, "Thank you so much for watching. Please join us in September when the real Jon returns. I've loved this, here's your moment of Zen."
It was more Anthony Weiner a.k.a. Carlos Danger.
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