"From Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" to "Lonesome Dove" and everything in between, here are your best viewing options as you lay sprawled and overfed on your couch this Thanksgiving weekend
With Thanksgiving weekend nearly upon us, many people will have a long four days of idle time to fill. And chances are, much of that time will be spent hopelessly sprawled out on the couch, immobile and wondering why you ate so much.
It's a good thing that TV programmers have prepared for this inevitability by stuffing the weekend with a whole lot of marathons. Here are the top 20 offerings to watch this weekend while you slowly emerge from you tryptophan coma.
"Here Comes Honey Boo Boo"
Is there any better way to be reminded of the great blessings that this nation provides than settling in for a solid nine hours of Alana Thompson and her clan? TLC will deliver a "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" block from 6 p.m. Wednesday to 3 a.m. Thursday. Tune in and be grateful for the fact that America provides for even the most undeserving of souls. (TLC)
James Bond Marathon
Has your interest in the James Bond franchise been reinvigorated by the latest 007 installment "Skyfall"? Enjoy the treasures of the Bond archives on Syfy, which will air 15 classics, starting with "For Your Eyes Only" at midnight Wednesday and ending with "Thunderball" at 3 a.m. on Friday. (Syfy)
Also read: James Bond: 50 Years of 007's Women (Photos)
NCIS: "Best of Season 3" Marathon
As you prepare to solve the mystery of just how much food you can shove into your gob in a single setting, USA will serve up a whole lot of Mark Harmon doing his thing as NCIS agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs from 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. (USA Network)
Work up an appetite for bird by checking in with the Robertson family, whose duck calls have enabled hunters to flush fowl out in the wild and land them on dinner tables across this great nation of ours. A&E will run 10 hours of "Duck Dynasty" from 6 p.m. until 4 a.m. Thursday. (A&E)
"R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet"
"Trapped in the Closet," the musical magnum opus of R&B star R. Kelly, will play out in all of its bizarro glory on IFC from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Even better, new installments of the saga will premiere at 9 p.m. on Friday. (IFC)
"Hatfields & McCoys"
History will run its mega-hit miniseries "Hatfields & McCoys" from 4 p.m. Thursday to 3 a.m. Friday — which will hopefully remind you that, whatever family tensions flared up over Thanksgiving this year, they could have been a lot worse. (History)
Feeling under the gun as you prepare Thanksgiving dinner? Tune in to "Restaurant: Impossible" on the Food Network from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. for a lesson in perspective. (Food Network)
"Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa," "Kung Fu Panda," "Shrek Forever After"
Feeling especially animated this Thanksgiving? Starting at 8 a.m., FX will air "Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa," "Kung Fu Panda" and a 14-hour run of "Shrek Forever After" that will no doubt will have you thankful when it winds down at 2 a.m. Friday. (FX)
While the authenticity of TLC's reality show "Breaking Amish" has been questioned by some, the series — which runs a marathon from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. — will fill you with an appreciation for the luxuries that most of us enjoy. Such as electricity. And brightly colored clothing. (TLC)
"Finding Bigfoot" and "Finding Bigfoot: Further Evidence"
The fabled sasquatch might not be any more real than your self-control at Thanksgiving dinner, but Animal Planet's "Finding Bigfoot" marathon — airing from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. — will at least help you laugh off some of that dinner as it tries to convince you otherwise. (Animal Planet)
Is there a better word to describe the majority of family gatherings? MTV will air episodes of its series "Awkward" — which stars Ashley Rickards as Palos Verdes, Calif., teenager Jenna Hamilton, from 4 to 10 p.m. (MTV)
You're now spending the second consecutive day with your kids, and your nerves are probably a little frayed. Allow stern-but-strict nanny Jo Frost to provide some child-rearing inspiration as "Supernanny" airs from 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. (Style)
"Doomsday Preppers," "Doomsday Preppers: Bugged Out"
Who doesn't feel a little bit as though the apocalypse is nigh when the holidays roll in? Pick up a bunker-full of survival tactics with "Doomsday Preppers" and "Doomsday Preppers: Bugged Out," which offer a monster marathon from 9 a.m. Friday to 3 a.m. Saturday. They might even offer a few tips that will come in handy at the mall this year. (National Geographic Channel)
"The Millionaire Matchmaker"
Check in with professional mate-arranger Patti Stanger and her clients from noon Friday to 2:30 a.m. Saturday. You're sure to wring an extra dollop of thankfulness from the weekend when you realize how lucky you are to have nothing to do with these people. (Bravo)
Need a break from the kids for, oh, eight hours or so? Plop them in front of the TV from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and allow them to be enchanted by everyone's favorite sassy aquatic invertebrate. (Nickelodeon)
"Pawn Stars" personality Danny "The Count" Koker landed his own series, "Counting Cars," earlier this year, which finds him restoring classic vehicles and attempting to flip them for a profit. History will air 12 solid hours of the show from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m., giving you all day to think back on a time when cars were more exciting than the boxy buckets of rolling boredom that they are today. (History)
Also read: "Fringe" Two-Hour Finale Set for January
J.J. Abrams' supernatural series "Fringe" will come to an end in January, when the series' fifth and final season winds down. The series' relatively small but abundantly passionate fan base can take heart in the fact that the Science Channel will air a mega-dose of the show from 10:30 a.m. Friday to 2 a.m. Saturday. And in case that's just not enough freaky paranormal drama for you, Science will deliver another marathon from 11:30 a.m. Saturday to 2 a.m.. on Sunday. (Science)
"Star Wars" Marathon
With the newly Disney-fied Lucasfilm planning three more installments of the "Star Wars" sci-fi saga, there's no better time to bone up on what's already played a long time ago in a cineplex far, far away. Spike will air previous "Star Wars" movies at various times throughout the weekend, but Saturday — when Episodes I, II, III and IV will air, starting at 9 a.m. — offers the most generous helping. (Spike)
"Law & Order: SVU"
Stay out of trouble by watching 14 consecutive hours of Det. Stabler and Det. Benson solve sex-based crimes from noon Saturday to 2 a.m. Saturday. Dun, dun! (USA Network)
Monday it's back to work and the madness of the modern age. Might as well indulge in the quaintness of a simpler time with all four episodes of the 1989 miniseries based on the Larry McMurtry novel about a Texas cattle drive, from 11:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. (Encore)