Emmy host Jimmy Kimmel's proposals for a better Emmys include whistling the "In Memoriam" song in honor of Andy Griffith and firing awards out of a T-shirt cannon to speed things along.
Or so he told reporters at a Television Critics Association panel on this year's Emmys.
He also talked about why cable shows get so many nominations, his "constant dialogue" with Oprah Winfrey, and, in a serious moment, his thoughts on his former "Man Show" co-host, Adam Carolla, who said that women writers aren't as funny as men.
"I think Adam says a lot of things he doesn't mean," Kimmel told TheWrap.
Here are some of the "Jimmy Kimmel Live" host's best jokes as he prepares for his first turn as Emmys host.
On not being asked to host ABC's last Emmys telecast: "I actually took some satisfaction out of it because everyone, especially you guys, seemed to hate how the broadcast came out, and I was able to look good by not doing anything at all. That's my goal in life, by the way."
Twitter: "I think Twitter has made it easier to say something stupid to everyone in the world in the middle of the night. I think Twitter should be taken away from us."
Why cable shows get so many nominations: "I'll give you two reasons: nudity and profanity. If we could have more of that on network television I think we would have a lot more Emmys. I'd like to appear nude on my show."
'In Memoriam': "I love the 'In Memoriam.' I love that even in death you're subject to a popularity contest."
Oprah: "I have kept in touch with Oprah a little bit, I'm confounded to say. … Oprah and I are always talking. It's a constant dialogue. She calls me her new Gayle."