At least in the reality world, this time of year gives you the chance to reflect on your blessings, pig out and fall asleep in front of the TV with your pants unbuttoned. (Don’t worry; “Survivor” is a recap episode.)
So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, some things for which I’m grateful:
I am thankful that we no longer have to watch the trainwreck that was “Jon & Kate Plus 8,” aka “Jon & Kate Plus Hate.” Speaking of which, I am also thankful that I am not one of the “Plus 8,” seeing as I’d probably end up with a drug problem and/or on the pole.
I am thankful that none of the Top Chefs are preparing my Thanksgiving dinner. I will be in no mood to have bite-size portions of dishes I can’t pronounce. Unless they want to do one of those vending machine challenges. I’d be up for that.
I am thankful for Russell on “Survivor.” He’s the most interesting thing about this season — his ability to find the immunity idol week after week continues to fascinate me. He’s like a Smurf tracking a truffle.
I am thankful that Adam Lambert has finally let his freak flag fly in all its glory. Remember back on “Idol” when everyone thought his guyliner was risque? I scoff at our naivete!
I am thankful that “Intervention” has yet to feature an episode on “Bejeweled” addiction. I don’t need rehab interrupting my quest for the perfect score.
I am thankful every time the “amazing” Phil Keoghan announces that it is a “non-elimination leg of the race.” After you’ve spent hours arguing with your partner while seeking out a needle in a haystack or a miniature mandolin, sometimes you just need someone to cut you some slack.
I am thankful that the mental institutions — oops, I mean “designer boutiques” — of New Jersey, Atlanta, New York and the O.C. have lent us their Housewives so that we may feel better about ourselves by comparison.
I am thankful to “The Hills” for showing me that I, too, can succeed with little or no talent, though a boob job couldn’t hurt. Thanks, Lo and Audrina! You’re my new Ginger Spice!
I am thankful that I’m not competing in the upcoming live “Biggest Loser” finale. Subbing jicama for marshmallowed sweet potatoes on Thanksgiving just doesn’t sound that appealing, especially compared to aforementioned Top Chef vending machine dinner.
Also, I am thankful for you, my readers. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!