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WWE’s Austin Aries Teaches Us How to Have Awesome Facial Hair

Cruiserweight wrestler, commentator and now nutritional author walks us through his trademark beard maintenance

Austin Aries is one of the WWE’s top Cruiserweights, both in terms of in-ring ability and on-face hair.

The pro-wrestler and author of memoir “Food Fight,” which doubles as a vegan nutritional guide, kindly walked TheWrap though his shaving routine on Wednesday, serving up the perfect (non-animal-product) recipe for carving a kick-ass beard.

“I think it probably started out when I was just trying to shave off the ones that were gray — and that was kinda the shape,” Aries said of his trademark look.

“I always wanted facial hair as soon as I could get it,” the “205 Live” and “Raw” performer remembered. “I always joked: ‘I washed my face with Rogaine. It didn’t really help, but it gave me hairy palms and all the kids in school made fun of me for it — for other reasons.'”

(That’s a masturbating joke, for the non-God-fearing.)

“The connector part of the mustache to the beard wasn’t always really strong for me,” Aries’ explained. “That’s kind of how it morphed, and that’s kind of how my beard comes in … I just cleaned it up more. I didn’t go like, ‘Oh, let me think what I could do.’ It was just me grooming and fixing where it was already going and making it look respectable.”

If he can’t (yet) carry the Cruiserweight belt, the unique look is a pretty good accessory. It definitely helps distract from the fact that he broke his beak like a dozen times.

“I always say men’s facial hair is kind of like women’s makeup,” Aries said. “We know how to contour our face real nice and give ourselves nice angles and make our nose look not quite as crooked as it is.”

Of course, the 39-year-old’s patience with stubble maintenance is running as thin as a real Rogaine user’s hair: “But yeah,” he admitted, “it’s gotten to be a pain as I’ve gotten older.”

Aries’ “Food Fight: My Plant Powered Journey from the Bingo Halls to the Big Time” ships on Friday, and is currently available for pre-order.

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