Now You Can Own Barbra Streisand … in Wax
A couple of years ago, I bought my first and only piece of Hollywood memorabilia — the prop finger sawn off by Ben Affleck in that 2003 masterpiece “Gigli.”
For $29.95, including a certificate of authenticity, it was pretty much a steal — and a guaranteed conversation piece.
The spongy thing arrived in a zip-loc bag, still slick with whatever special effects goo it had been doused with.
No doubt there’s a tiny bit of DNA from Affleck still attached.
I like to think that if there’s some sort of apocalypse, I might be able to offer any civilization rising from the ashes the chance to clone the star of “Daredevil” and “Paycheck.”
But because I’m no financial daredevil who’s made of paychecks, I’ve limited such memorabilia bidding to the 21st equivalent of window shopping — that is, trawling eBay.
I like to wonder how the tall alien-styled glass John Travolta drank from in “Battlefield Earth” might look as a vase or whether I’d really get good wear and tear value from the shirt John Cusack wore in “1408”.
So when my friend Luke alerted me to the auction being held of Hollywood Wax Museum’s prize figurines, such daydreaming took on a whole new — and life-sized — dimension.
Who wouldn’t want to own a 6-foot tall Barbra Streisand in black satin gown and fitted jacket?
Or Humphrey Bogart in deliberately distressed trenchcoat with gun at the ready?
Travolta in “Saturday Night Fever” attire? Check!
Michael Jackson about to bust a move in “Thriller” zombie face and red leather? It can be yours!
A full-sized Alien? Droooool. Same goes for the waxwork Michael Keatons from “Beetlejuice” and “Batman.”
And let’s not even get started on a supine Michelle Pfeiffer in her Catwoman get-up.
I just know Mike Nelson of “Mystery Science Theater 3000” would love the replica of Patrick Swayze as James Dalton from “Road House.”
In short, virtually every Hollywood great — and some not so great — past and present is represented.
It’s not just the entertainment biz, either.
You can pick up a clutch of American presidents, from Lincoln to JFK and Ford to Dubya, along with an assortment of Jesi, including the Nativity, the Last Supper, a couple of startling Crucifixions and, of course, the Resurrection.
I’m saying with a bit of judicious sawing, and the application of puppet strings, you could set Mike Tyson and Muhammad Ali at it for the boxing match of all time.
A truly flippant type might turn the hairdryer to “High” and recreate the melting of the Wicked Witch of The West.
So. Much. Fun.
The downside? The cheapest you’ll get one of these babies for is about $1,000, with some running much higher.
So you’d need a small fortune — not to mention a ballroom — to stage your movie-version of the Sgt Pepper’s cover.
But what a conversation piece. Or, for the shut-in recluse, the ultimate A-list group of friends to confide in.