"Big Brother 12" debuted as all prior seasons have, with host Julie Chen introducing a staged “I got my key!!!” montage: Monet shopping, Brendon swimming, Kathy policing, Ragan teaching, Hayden flexing, Enzo bada-binging, Rachel claiming she’s more than big boobs, and so on. One hour to pack. Let’s go!
Ready to enter the house, the stare down at the stairs between the houseguests commenced.
Seeing each other for the first time, some were thinking, “I saw you at the finals and was 
hoping like hell you wouldn’t be here. Damn!” while others were questioning, “So THIS is the diverse cast I speculated about?!” But for the most part they were praying, “Please let me be in the first group to go in! Please! I want a nice bed!”
Britney, Ragan, Brendon and Rachel got their wish: first dibs. Andrew led off the charge of the second group shouting “Mazel Tov” as he ran in; followed closely by Annie, Kathy, Lane and Enzo. With some comfortable digs still available, they had good luck indeed. Finally, Hayden, Kristin, Matt and Monet stormed the house. Monet wasn’t waiting for anybody -- no greetings or salutations, she almost ran over Kathy to find a bed. A princess doesn’t sleep on the floor.
Pop the champagne! It was time for the houseguests to make snap judgments, selectively withhold key information about themselves and harshly comment on one another.
Hayden thinks Kristin is hot, especially those facial twitches…sexy! He figures it will take about a week or two to straighten those out. Matt is married. Everybody say “Awww.” A certified genius, he’s smart enough not to tell them about his superior intelligence. Monet thinks Rachel is a ditz with huge watermelons on her chest, calling her Boob City, but Enzo likes the weapons. He doesn’t care for Rachel’s laugh, but that just means he’s dead inside. Loud, boisterous laughs are an endearing "Big Brother" staple: Season 10, Keesha; Season 11, me; Season 12, Rachel. Take that, Casey! I mean Enzo.
The lies kept coming, as did the laughs. Ragan’s not a professor, but a graduate student. Andrew is not a podiatrist, but a recently laid-off day trader. Annie is asexual and not disclosing her bisexuality just yet. Ragan would like to form an alliance with Brendon, fantasizing that the season’s twist ends with them falling in love after Brendon comes out.
Rachel thinks Andrew is wearing a Jewish holiday (Yom Kippur) on his head, rather than a yarmulke. Annie does a good Enzo … *cue the “Godfather” music* -- expect to hear a lot of that this season. Britney is in love with Ragan, whom she affectionately calls a flaming homosexual, one of “her people.” Kathy’s reveal of her age inspired many “You still look good” back-handed compliments.
Glasses clinked, announcing a drama-free night, but the celebration soon stopped as Julie reappeared on the flat screen with some news for the houseguests: Someone isn’t playing to win.
