The Way They Make Me Feel (on Jacko Night)

First things first: Nice brow lift and new cheeks, Paula! Secondly, thank God for Seacrest! How else would we know to be “extra careful” when dialing the “special number” given to the 13th contestant? No doubt 866-IDOLS-13 got more traffic than usual last night as fans either misdialed or called out of curiosity. Didn’t have […]

Last Updated: March 11, 2009 @ 7:23 AM

First things first: Nice brow lift and new cheeks, Paula! Secondly, thank God for Seacrest! How else would we know to be “extra careful” when dialing the “special number” given to the 13th contestant? No doubt 866-IDOLS-13 got more traffic than usual last night as fans either misdialed or called out of curiosity.

Didn’t have time to vote? That’s OK; just call when you have an emergency requiring “hot horny girls!”

Speaking of sex scandals, the Idols sang songs from the Michael Jackson catalogue.

It played out like so:

Lil Rounds: Impressed the judges with her rendition of “The Way You Make Me Feel.” Thank goodness she’s abandoned the screaming of during Hollywood Week. But with Rounds, what you see is what you get – and you expect an R&B singer. That’s why she’s overshadowed by the unexpected soul of Allison and Alexis. She seems to have a myriad of fans, though, and should progress to the Top 5 at least.

Scott MacIntyre: Gave his best performance to date – to bad he’s just no American Idol. While “Keep the Faith” went along with his overall theme of being “inspirational,” it also sounded suspiciously like an advertisement for a Born-Again Christian sleep-away camp — or maybe a drug rehab center … for blind people? Let’s hope Scott sticks around another week so we can see more of those “MacIntyre Family Sing-Along” clips.

Danny Gokey: He’s really growing on me. Although I was afraid that he may burst into tears over his dead wife when he started slow and sultry on “PYT” — I mean, she was pretty … and young — he suddenly pepped it up. Simon said he was a “white guy with soul” who had “hideous dancing.” Remind anyone of Season 5 winner, Taylor Hicks? Yes, but Gokey has more star power. He’ll make the Top 5.

Michael Sarver: Delivered a performance far superior to that of MacIntyre’s with “You Are Not Alone.” Only problem? He’s not blind. Still, it’s cute to think of all those roughnecks wiping oil from their fingertips to vote for their favorite contestant. He’s a good singer and likable guy, but he is no star.

Jasmine Murray: This girl is so stunning that she doesn’t even need a glam squad! I’m sorry, did I say “stunning?” I meant “commercial.” At least, that’s the word the judges used last week when they decided to keep her. To them, though, those words seem to be interchangeable. Murray did a good job on “I’ll Be There,” but where’s the personality or interesting backstory? Perhaps Fox can drum up some sort of photo scandal. We already know she’s photogenic.

Kris Allen: “The Fluke,” as you may think of him, really came out of his shell with “Remember the TIme.” If you went to college in the mid to late ;90s, his guitar strumming may have had you wondering, “Hey isn’t that the guy from (insert random college bar band here)?” The judges were right to say he should’ve kept his marriage a bit more on the PQ for now; it’s his looks that keep the girls voting for him.

Allison Iraheta: She’s a pop-rocker like Pink, except with a broader range. She even has pinkish hair! She blows everyone away every time; the only thing missing is likability. Did anyone else feel old when she said she’s wanted to be on “Idol” since she was 9? Age envy aside, she really rocked it out on “Give In to Me.” Yes, the lyrics were a bit risque for a 16-year-old; but, then again, we know Michael Jackson likes ‘em young. Expect to see her in the Top 3.

Anoop Desai: Tackled “Beat It,” a risky move that came off a little ridiculously. Where’s the street cred, ‘bro? I mean, come on, he’s an Indian guy from North Carolina. Paula said that the song was “untouchable,” but in Anoop Dawg’s defense, aren’t all MJ songs untouchable? One thing he did right was work the audience. Oh. and he didn’t moonwalk — also a good move.

Jorge Nunez: Did nothing new for the redundant “Never Can Say Goodbye.” Luckily for him, America should remember that he is one of the strongest singers in the bunch. And if that doesn’t work, the entire island of Puerto Rico will garner lots of votes anyway. Remember all of Hawaii voting for Jasmine Trias on Season 3?

Megan Joy Corkrey: Clearly wants her son to know that Mommy really, really misses him. That is the only explanation for her Kidz Bop performance of “Rockin’ Robin.” She is the worst singer in this competition. No matter how you feel about her quirky delivery, Megan’s Wild Card spot should have gone to Tatiana. Not sure how much more Corkrey can get out of her tattoos and single mom story.

Adam Lambert: Gives the same type of trainwreck performances that Norman Gentle once graced us with (RIP, Norman!), except no one seems to get the joke, least of all Glambert. Not sure whether it was due to the screech-singing or the black nail polish but the judges –and the screeching audience — loooooved his rendition of “Black or White.” As for me, I had nightmares until dawn (or whatever time the vampires go to bed). He’ll be around for a while, but I wash my hands of the responsibility.

Matt Giraud:
He was like a piano-playing Justin TImberlake on “Human Nature.” While not one of my favorite MJ songs, both his falsetto and piano playing blew MacIntyre’s out of the water. Maybe next week Giraud will play blindfolded! Thank God for the Wild Card round, eh?

Alexis Grace: Remember when the judges told her to dirty herself up at her first audition? Well, note taken. The song, the look — it was all dirty. In a good way. Grace wailed her way through — what else? — “Dirty Diana.” While Simon said it probably wasn’t as good as she thought it was, it was definitely good enough to keep her in the game. Maybe next week she can dirty it up more with something from say, ‘Lil Kim?

Kudos to the producers for not assigning the random “special number” to a throwaway contestant, like Kris Allen or Jasmine Murray. By linking it to shoe-in Grace, they’ve alleviated any potential controversy or protests.

Disappointing? Yes. But stay tuned. There are undoubtedly other controversies coming our way!