Stephen Colbert and “The Late Show” returned from Christmas vacation on Monday, and in his first monologue in weeks, he recapped the Golden Globe awards and, at the same time, freaked out over the possibility we’d end up in a war with Iran.
“The 77th Annual Golden Globes — it was a dazzling night of glitz and glamour, and God help us, we might be going to war with Iran,” Colbert joked right off the bat. “All the stars were there as we inch closer to yet another tragically ill-considered military conflict, including Salma Hayek, whose Gucci dress featured a neckline that didn’t leave much to the imagination — unless you’re imagining an endless quagmire in the Middle East.”
The jokes referred to, of course, Sunday night’s Golden Globes awards, as well as the rising tensions in the Middle East following a U.S. military drone strike against a convoy in Baghdad that killed Iranian military leader Qasem Soleimani.
“Because this is what’s been keeping you up at night for the last three years,” Colbert continued. “It wasn’t the baggy suits. It wasn’t covfefe. It was his ability to wage war without understanding the consequences. And no one can stop him.”
“Also,” Colbert added, “congratulations to Awkwafina for snatching a Globe for best actress. Well-deserved.”
Colbert then rolled out what he described as “the first installment of our long-running segment: ‘America at whaaa? Crisis with Iran. In Iraq. About Iran.’”
During the gag, Colbert noted that among other nerve-wracking statements Trump has made since the assassination of Soleimani, the president also implied that future military actions might be taken in revenge for the 1979-1981 Iranian hostage crisis.
“He’s still mad about the Iranian hostage crisis? What’s next on his 1980s agenda?” Colbert asked. Then, switching into his Trump impression, he said: “I’m also targeting the top four Iranian generals — one for all three men and a baby — six different regions — one for each side of a Rubik’s Cube. And, I have officially changed the launch codes to 9675309.”
Watch the clip below:
TONIGHT: We're back with brand new shows and 2020 is off to a frightening start! #LSSC pic.twitter.com/0ZZausp2VL
— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) January 7, 2020