Ed Sheeran is looking for love in all the wrong place. By “places” we mean the Pokémon universe. And by “love” we mean the “kinky” stuff.
On last night’s “Late Night with Stephen Colbert,” a Fake News Alert segment transformed Sheeran’s hit single “Shape of You” into an animated parody about his lust for all things Pokémon — and his love, specifically, for Pikachu.
“Ed Sheeran is known for pouring his heart out into his chart-topping singles,” the segment begins, as a Mirror news article with the headline, “Ed Sheeran lifts the lid on adventurous sex life including joining the ‘mile high club’” flashes on screen.
The voice over continues: “And with his new album, Sheeran has pealed back the covers to his kinky sex life — with fans able to envisage mental pictures they may not have expected thanks to his new album.”
And the parody begins with an animated Sheeran looking a whole lot like the main character Ash Ketchum in the “Pokémon” TV series, complete with green gloves and a guitar, performing.
“The world can be a tough place to find a lover so the game is where I go,” the lyrics start. “When human interaction turns me off, I open up my phone. Into the game where there are no dames and my mind turns to pokémon.
The song continues: “I’m feeling kinky, and I’m starting to thinky, ‘I gotta poke ’em all.’”
The chorus then sings, “I’m in love with a Pikachu. Got it on with a fine Sandshrew. Did some hand stuff with Staryu, I made love to a rodent.”
“Don’t know why I want their love. Don’t judge because they’re not animals technically. According to zoology, so it’s not bestiality.”
It goes on. “Freaky stuff with a pink balloon (the Pokémon Jigglypuff). Put my junk in a cocoon (the Pokémon Caterpie). Did a whole field of mushrooms (a group of Vileplumes). And made love to a rodent. Contraceptives were not used — Had a kid with a Pikachu.”
And, yes, that “kid” — with Sheeran’s trademark ginger hair — makes an appearance. You really must check it out in the video at the top.
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