Stephen Colbert brought back a fan-favorite bit from “The Colbert Report” on Thursday night, in an effort to help audiences figure out how to survive censorship by the Trump administration. This week’s word? “Shhhhhh!”
Returning from a commercial break, Colbert took a moment to double check that they were still on the air, joking that they only were because “Brendan Carr has not seen tonight’s episode yet.” The late night host then explained that CBS recently hired an ombudsman — “an individual usually affiliated with an organization or business who serves as an advocate for patients, consumers, employees, etc.” — to make sure they don’t run afoul of President Trump’s preferences.
“Apparently, having a conservative overseeing your programming is a way to stay on the air, and I would love to be able to finish out the last season of my show,” Colbert said.
“So just to be safe, ‘The Late Show’ has appointed our own ombudsman. He is someone that I’ve known for years. He’s a dear friend with strong conservative credentials. Please welcome my identical cousin and the former host of ‘The Colbert Report,’ Stephen Colbert!”
At that, Colbert himself popped up from behind his own desk and launched into a new episode of “The Word.”
Colbert cautioned that “America is facing perhaps its greatest crisis in 249 years,” in that “people are saying things that hurt Donald Trump’s feelings.” And though Americans may have the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, those must now take a backseat.
“But what about the pursuit of Donald Trump’s happiness? And yes, it’s true, the words ‘Donald Trump’ aren’t in the Constitution,” Colbert said, as the word “yet” flashed on-screen next to him.
“But ladies and gentlemen, I can say they are, because I have freedom of speech! So, just how do you balance your rights with your duty not to make the commander-in-chief fill his Depends with tears?”
According to the host, “It’s shockingly simple.” To demonstrate, he simply sat there in silence. Even as the graphic onscreen encouraged him to do or say something, Colbert simply stared down the camera silently, refusing to speak.
“Now was that so hard?” he eventually said. “You can have your rights just as long as you don’t use them!”
Colbert then acknowledged that some might think not speaking is difficult, particularly for hosts of a talk show. He was ready for that argument, though.
“But ladies and gentlemen, here’s the thing, you can talk and still say nothing,” he said, with the graphic next to him reading: “Like you, Brian Kilmeade.”
“The thing is, all you have to do is repeat whatever the approved message from the White House is today,” Colbert continued, with the graphic changing to say, “I never met Jeffrey Epstein.”
“But remember, my friends, just remember, anyone can be silent in the face of an autocrat. You have a responsibility to do more than just censor yourself,” Colbert joked. “You need to turn in your friends. Write down what they say. Get them fired!”
You can watch Stephen Colbert’s full “The Word” segment in the video above.
