Kellan Lutz is lucky he'll be starring in "Hercules 3D," because based on the first trailer for "Java Heat," we're not sure this is the movie that will launch Lutz's career as a leading man.
Here are 5 the most puzzling parts of the action-packed preview:
1. What is this action flick even about? The trailer doesn't do a good job of explaining, but here's an educated guess: An Indonesian princess gets kidnapped by Mickey Rourke. It's not clear why or how, but an American agent (from what agency, you ask? Who cares, explosions are more important) arrives to team up with an Indonesian cop to get her back. Their cultures and egos clash, but they have to put aside their differences to get the job done.
It looks a lot like "Rush Hour," except minus all the charming, witty banter between the two polar opposite leads.
2. Forget witty, this dialogue doesn't even make sense.
"Americans. You are like children, always thinking you are Rambo."
"You know Rambo?"
It's hard to tell if Lutz's character thinks his Indonesian partner knows the real-life Rambo or is simply amazed that someone living so far away from the United States has heard of a movie character from 1982.
3. Then there's this gem:
"They think we're stealing the crown jewels!"
"We are. We're just not very good at it!"
So wait...are they or are they not stealing the crown jewels?
4. Mickey Rourke's (European?) accent. Rourke is an Academy Award-nominated actor, but doesn't go out of his way to show it here. His accent is so unidentifiable it took a couple trailer views to realize he was even attempting to sound like a foreigner. The character's country of origin is as mysterious as Rourke's decision to take this part.
5. Kellan Lutz is a sloppy kisser. And unfortunately for anyone who despises stomach-churning PDA, Lutz stuffs his tongue down several Indonesian babes' throats in between all the bullets and explosions he's dodging.
Don't take my word for it, watch the trailer and be the judge: