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‘SNL’ Provides a Glimpse Into the Madness of the Kmart Return Counter (Video)

In which Saoirse Ronan wants to return cologne she bought for her boyfriend as part of an elaborate insulting metaphor

It’s been a long time since I last stepped foot in a Kart, but I remember the experience distinctly: there were fewer people in the entire store than there are in this sketch about Kmart.

Now that we’ve moved past that completely irrelevant tangent — this week “SNL” took us inside a local Kmart, giving us a look at true madness as customers angrily try to return things they bought, with Mikey Day as the unfortunate employee having to deal with it.

Host Saoirse Ronan’s portion of the sketch saw her play a woman attempting to return cologne she’d bought for her boyfriend (Chris Redd) in order to metaphorically diss him.

“I bought my boyfriend this men’s cologne, because I thought he was a man,” Ronan said. “But he’s actually a bitch on the rag so I’d like to exchange it for these tampons.”

“Babe, why are you doing this right now?” Redd interjected.

Ronan: “Because a man protects his woman.”

Redd: “A drunk guy spilled a drink on your shoe. I am not going to kick his ass for that.”

Ronan: “Right, because you’re a little girl who needs her tampons.”

Day: “Okay, you are all set.”

At this point Ronan turned to Redd and said, “I’m leaving. don’t follow me.”

After taking two steps, Ronan expressed her disapproval over the fact that Redd was not following her: “Are you coming?”

Other bits included Leslie Jones as a woman mad that the adult diapers she’d bought did not fit her baby well, Kenan Thompson as a man who accuses the store of tricking him into buying a hand muff made for women, Aidy Bryant as a woman who wants to return bird feed that had caused her parrot to puke in her mouth and on her shirt, Pete Davidson as a man who wants to return a pregnancy test because it didn’t work when he peed on it, and Kate McKinnon as a racist elderly lady who wants to return a pair of jeans because “They’re too baggy, I look like an ‘urban’ in them.”