Topping the dubious roll call was cross-dressing former NBA star Dennis Rodman, who got extra credit for his visit to North Korean despot Kim Jong Un earlier this year. But Hollywood and the entertainment industry was well-represented, starting with Paula Deen.
The disgraced cooking show host was No. 2 on the list, for her “signature recipe: four sticks of butter, one pinch of unbridled racism.”
Justin Bieber earned his way to fourth on the list, which noted one clear sign the young singer is no longer a cute pop star: He lost a PR war with the Germans, who confiscated his pet monkey.
Everyone’s favorite twerking girl followed.
“Miley spent the entire year foam-finger-blasting herself, licking sledgehammers, and basically trying every inane strategy she could think of to rile up America’s few remaining pearl clutchers,” in ranking her No. 6. “What’s sad is that it totally worked.”
Will Smith – and his family – checked in at No. 10. “‘After Earth’ was just like ‘Battlefield Earth’ except it didn’t give us the courtesy of being utterly laughable. In just a few years, Will Smith has gone from one of America’s most beloved stars to one of its most despicable. Oooh, what a twist! Shyamalan-esque!”
Actor Ryan Reynolds (“R.I.P.D.”) rated the No. 18 slot. “It’s never going to happen for him, is it? He’ll just have to comfort himself with his flawless looks, his millions of dollars, and the supple flesh of Blake Lively.”
Director Snyder, who guided “Man of Steel” and is set to oversee “Batman vs. Superman,” made the list at No. 2o, apparently for his grit delivery. “Whenever a studio executive needs a reboot of something and his sole creative direction is ‘Make it grittier!’ Snyder is the dude they call.”
And President Obama came in at No. 17 because “nothing gets done.”
Also on the list were Lennay Kekua (Manti Te’o’s fake dead girlfriend), secrets stealer Edward Snowden and TV pundits John King and Howard Kurtz among others.