President Trump signed the bill to release the Epstein files this week, but Stephen Colbert isn’t totally confident he signed it himself. Why? Well, the CBS host was quick to point out that Trump will typically sign anything and everything on camera, but didn’t this time.
To kick off his monologue on Thursday, Colbert celebrated the fact that “after months of fighting tooth and cankle” to persuade people the Epstein files aren’t real, Trump finally agreed to release them to the public. The late night host then immediately wondered if Trump may have signed it with “his mechanical signature machine, the auto-pube,” since Trump signed the bill under a photo lid, which means cameras weren’t allowed in.
“He signed it off camera, and he’ll sign anything on camera!” Colbert marveled. “Executive orders, sneakers, lady parts, wall parts, a toddler.”
Indeed, Colbert had video footage of Trump signing each of those things in the past. So, he was extra baffled by the sudden hiding by Trump.
“Trump is avoiding cameras. That’s like the Pillsbury Doughboy avoiding nudity,” Colbert joked. “That’s right, this little freak loves the cool breeze on his smooth part.”
Colbert found further evidence of Trump being bothered by the Epstein files in the president’s latest rant about them on Truth Social. The host was quick to mock the length of the post, calling it an “Apple Terms and Conditions-length screed.”
“Last night, he went online to shift blame to Democrats with a full Unabomber length manifesto. There it is,” Colbert said, bringing up an image of the lengthy text post. “Imagine if you got that as a text! ‘Well, I do not have to read all of that, bro. I do not have the time. I’m just going to hit you with a haha.’”
You can watch Stephen Colbert’s full monologue in the video above.
