All the fun stories to come out of former FBI director James Comey’s memoir about dealing with Trump landed so late in the day that Stephen Colbert didn’t have a lot of time to prepare a monologue about the so-call “pee tape.” However, he did manage to slip in a few jokes while also plugging Comey’s upcoming appearance on “The Late Show” next Tuesday.
“Just before I came out here, James Comey news broke. Apparently, in Comey’s new book, Comey reveals that, while he was still in office, President Trump asked him to investigate the pee tape to reassure Melania. According to Comey, ‘He brought up what he called the ‘golden showers thing’ and adding that it bothered him if there was ‘even a one percent chance’ his wife, Melania, thought it was true.’ Yeah, it would bother him because she’d be off by about 99 percent,” Colbert joked.
“In the book, Comey wonders why Trump would need to give his wife that kind of reassurance, claiming there is ‘zero chance’ Comey’s own wife would believe such a claim. Oh, come on. Sanctimonious much, James Comey? Not everyone’s lucky enough to be in one of those rare, fairytale marriages with a 10 percent no-hooker-pee pee guarantee. It’s in the vows! For better or worse. For richer or poorer. For cleaning up the sheets. It’s all in there! Of course, how does Comey feel about Trump’s request to track down whether the pee tape is real?”
Colbert then played the clip from Comey’s testimony in front of the Senate Intelligence Committee last June, in which he was responding to Trump’s claim that he had been secretly recording their meetings: “Lordy, I hope there are tapes.”
Colbert, of course, was using the quote for a different context.
“Me too, James. Me too,” Colbert quipped after the clip played. “By the way, if you want to know more about this, please join us Tuesday because James Comey will be our guest sitting right over there. A lot to talk about.”
You can watch the monologue from Thursday night’s “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” in the video embedded at the top of this post.