Jimmy Kimmel was excited by the extremely surprising news Thursday that for the first time ever, an American has been elected Pope. For those just catching up, that’s Chicago native Robert Prevost, who has since taken the Papal name Leo XIV.”
“An American Pope!” Kimmel exclaimed. “The Popemobile is now a Ford F-250 with truck nuts.”
Kimmel admitted he was very surprised by the news and joked, “Italy and America, this must have been what it felt like when they opened the first Olive Garden, you know?”
Later in the monologue, Kimmel noted that “Nuns go crazy for the Pope,” and added, “I was in college, I went to a mass at the Vatican, I almost got trampled by a line of crazed, horny nuns who had their… Oh, yeah – they were horny. Make no mistake about it. All those years of chastity erupted when they got a look at John Paul.”
Then Kimmel talked about Donald Trump’s connection to the whole thing, calling him “Pope Pompous the 18th” and “the Archbishop of Ranterbury.” Referring to the weird AI art depicting Trump as Pope, Kimmel noted Trump obviously didn’t become the Pope, joking that “another election was rigged against him.”
Kimmel then had some fun talking about how various right wing figures have complained angrily about the Pope and joked that Trump “hit the Vatican with an 80% tariff on pointy hats.”
“So, congratulations to him,” Kimmel eventually said. “This is an historic era we are living in. We have an American Pope and a Russian President.”
We assume you get the context for that joke. Watch the whole monologue below: