Looks like Greg Gutfeld picked the wrong week to take a vacation from his late-night show on Fox News: Returning from a week off with a plausible tan, the “Gutfeld” host racked up no less than 13 rapid-fire jokes just to recap President Trump’s very busy final week of June 2025.
“Well what a great week I had, gotta tell ya – I had some sun, exercise, relaxation. And I even did some whale watching,” he said, eliciting groans with a quick-cut to a picture of “The View.” “They had a TV in the room!”
But whatever rest Gutfeld got during the break was canceled out by the breathless Trump news cycle he had missed: “My past seven days is nothing compared to the week that Trump had. I have to take a deep breath just to go through it – so here it goes.”
Watch the bonanza of Gutfeld’s trademark tasteless wisecracks in the video above – or read them for yourself below:
- First, he had the Iran strike, where Iran just had their nuclear prospects sent back to the Stone Age — or, in their case, blasted forward into the Stone Age.
- And while the mullahs claimed it was no big deal, dry cleaners in Tehran reported receiving truckloads of soiled robes.
- Then, there’s the cease-fire, where Trump acted as a coach separating two players still fighting after the whistle blew.
- Then, they got NATO to promise 5% of GDP on defense. No one’s done that before. Maybe we can get him to bring up Jesse [Watters’] behavior when the check comes after dinner. Cheap bastard.
- Of course, there’s the vanishing border crossings and gotaways. While Trump’s approval among Hispanics explodes — now as popular among Latinos as family, religion, and the weather girl on Telemundo.
- But I guess the Democrats calling him “Taco Trump” kind of backfired. The stock market roared back, despite idiots like Jim Cramer, claiming tariffs would usher in the apocalypse. The only thing ushering in the apocalypse is Jim Cramer.
- Meanwhile, new data suggests Kamala Harris’ trouncing in 2024 could have been worse if more people had voted. If the Democrats worked harder to get out the vote, they would have gotten fewer votes. Turns out their biggest enemies are their own policies, candidates, and the party. They are like a cat who is allergic to cats!
- On top of that, the Supreme Court got rid of the nationwide injunctions, the legal system’s version of cockblocking used to stymie Trump’s agenda. They ruled the libs are less effective than Lionel Hutz [the incompetent and unethical attorney from “The Simpsons,” voiced by Phil Hartman].
- Critics claim the economy would have been fine without this trade war, but that’s like saying Dolly Parton would have been just as famous without the huge cans.
- Without the tariffs, we wouldn’t have the extra billions coming in, which the critics leave out of their arguments. It’s half an opinion — like celebrating your weight loss but failing to mention the tapeworm.
- When you praise Trump for being this good, they’ll accuse you of idol worship, as if they didn’t act like Barack Obama [bleep] orange sherbet.
- To them, it doesn’t matter they are losing; what matters is you back the guy who has won over and over. It is beyond predictable. It’s like a birthday party magic show — you see the tricks coming.
- How many magic acts have you seen in your life? Not counting Jesse [Watters] being handed his own show.
