We Must #CancelColbert – And by the Way, Look How Not-Racist I Am

We Must #CancelColbert – And by the Way, Look How Not-Racist I Am

I'm so non-racist I even think non-racists are racist

I believe that Stephen Colbert‘s show should be canceled over an ostensibly racist tweet.

And also, look at me: I'm not racist.

Also read: Stephen Colbert Under Fire for ‘Ching Chong Ding Dong’ Asian Tweet

We all agree that we should call out actual racism, loudly and often. But I go a step further, ignoring nuance, context and logic, to ensure that I call out even non-racism as racist. That's how you know I am truly, noticeably not racist.

Also read: Stephen Colbert Responds to Asian Tweet Backlash: ‘I Share Your Rage’

As a white person, I never experience racism of any kind. But I do my part to combat racism by being offended on behalf of other races. There are many ways I could increase equality in America: Teaching or volunteering at New York or Chicago's appallingly segregated schools. Giving to charities. Asking lawmakers to fix a justice system that imprisons African-Americans at higher rates than whites.

But I do none of those things. Rather, I do the thing most personally convenient to me: I go on Twitter a lot, and accuse other white people of being racist. Especially if lots of other people are doing it too, with a hashtag like #CancelColbert, so we have Twitter strength in Twitter numbers.

Nothing proves you're not racist like calling other people racist.

Also read: Stephen Colbert Loves GOP Castration Candidate (Video)

To which you may say: Wait a minute, Tim. It sounds like all you're doing is adding to an opportunistic pile-on in a shadow reality when you could be out tutoring kids.

To which I say: Yes, but how many people would see me tutoring? A handful of other volunteers? On Twitter, hundreds or thousands of people can see how not-racist I am.

Also read: Jimmy Carter to Stephen Colbert: I'll Become Catholic If Female Priest Asks Me to Join Her Church (Video)

That's a great point, you might say. But… isn't it not about you? When you raise your hand on Twitter, trying to make people see how not-racist you are, how are you helping anyone else?

To which I say: Why are you defending racists?

Oddly, none of the people I ever rise to defend ever reach out to tell me how much they appreciate it. (Actually, I don't so much “rise” as “sit on my couch,” but never mind.) And no, no one ever says I seem like one of the cool white people who really gets it.

Also read: Which Black Celebrity Can Redeem Paula Deen? The Odds

But I do gets lots of retweets and favorites from other white people, lending their voices to say that they, too, are not racist.

Let's face it: There's nothing worse in today's society than being called racist. It's even worse than actually being racist. So it's important that we show our non-racism by calling out even non-racists like Colbert, who plays a character who is a tone-deaf buffoon, and, accordingly, says things that are tone-deaf and buffoonish.

The more sensitive and finely tuned my ear for racism, the more obviously not-racist I am. Being able to detect racism even where none exists is one of the most elevated levels of not being racist.

Also read: Why Does Rush Limbaugh Even Want to Say the N-Word?

The best part of my campaign against racism is that once in a while, I even criticize someone who is actually racist. There are a lot of these people.

Yes, I suppose I could focus my heroic efforts on them and the damage they do — by registering voters, staging boycotts, or doing any number of other concrete, practical things. But why would I invest time in something hard when I can reach a much larger audience while eating my Cheerios at home?

Granted: My scattershot, meaningless, BB-gun approach hits lots of the wrong people. It may even sound like I'm crying wolf, which makes my voice less credible when real racism arises.

See photos: Meet the 10 Black Contestants Accusing ‘Idol’ of Racism

But no one will say that, because they don't want to be misunderstood and grouped with the actual racists.

Disagree with me? Guess what that makes you.

  • Jonas Grumby

    We have a BINGO!


    He is blinking dollar signs now; can you spell #desparation?

  • Barrs Saulzberg

    there's a lot of things worse than being called a racist, calling someone a racist today has turned into one big joke. Colbert getting assaulted by the over serious retarded left. proves how silly it's gotten

  • Owen Finn

    So if you “cancel Colbert”, you're okay to exclude the Washington NFL team from the league immediately too?

    • DCGirl

      HTTR forever

    • Really?

      The joke is up on Mt. Everest while you're straight chillin in Hawaii.

  • TcB

    Calling other ppl racist means you're not a racist? You might not be racist but youre definitely a moron

  • Goodarticle

    Tim, half the folks who read this, won't get your point. Very smart take. Thanks for sharing.

  • A_Spoonful_of_Irony_helps_the

    Again as 6 of the current 7 commentators below prove that the majority of Americans don't understand irony and satire – yes, statistical extrapolation with no basis in fact is a perfectly acceptable methodology when dealing with non-racist racism – and that since Colbert's schtick is all irony and satire that I now ironically agree with Tim, and must conclude that Colbert years of success are but aberration and an illusion. His fans are deluded and can't get what he does, and must think his critique of racism is actually racist, and therefore, yes Cancel Colbert!

  • hupto

    The new right-wing meme is to call someone a racist for pointing out your own racism. Projection at its very finest!

    • John Young

      Bingo. Glenn Beck screamed Obama was racist. And people like Hannity love going after fringe guys like Farrakhan as though they represent a majority of African-Americans etc. The Republicans and Righties play constant victim now.

      And I love that they say Obama plays the race card all the time. Can someone please show me some examples of where and when he's doing this?

    • nobody

      It's gone too far. I though calling everyone racist was OUR (I'm left of center, by the way) thing! Now everyone from Malkin to this “Suey Park” is doing it. Ridiculous.

  • John Young

    Lovely. Nails the coffin lid on this silliness

  • No Fun Allowed

    Satirical racism is still racism. White people don't get to decide what is and what isn't offensive to everyone else, and being satirical doesn't give you a free pass to make racist remarks.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=506211286 Richard Hughes

      No. Satire highlights what is wrong with racism. And you're always allowed to show what's wrong with racism. You're not racist, are you?

      • No Fun Allowed

        “It's okay for me to make racist remarks if I'm being satirical and I'm in character.” -you

        • Sold you crack

          “It's okay for me to ignore the bulk of someone else's response (“show what's wrong with racism”) and plug my ears and fabricate a different response.” (“It's okay for me to make racist remarks if I'm being satirical”) –you.

          Poes law up in this bitch.

    • DavidisALLright

      This entire ‘outright’ is so stupid that makes Asian look like uptight squares. This is coming from…an Asian!

      EDIT: Sigh. Then I looked at your screen name, and now I regret even responding..

    • http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

      Good satire is supposed to be offensive. And occasionally funny. That's the whole point.

    • Jared Bowcutt

      I am offended at you referring to us as “white people”. We are Caucasians. You do not get to decide what label we identify ourselves as.

      • Junoh315

        None of my ancestors are from the Caucus mountains. I would prefer to be called European!

  • The Most Unracist

    After watching her Huffington Post Live interview, and the way she uses the word “white” as an insult (you know, the way you're supposed to whenever you reference somebody's race or gender) It's very clear that she is more not racist than anybody.

    It's fucking jaw dropping. Please go watch it. Just imagine she used any other race instead and try to fathom how she manages her absurd cognitive dissonance.

  • No Fun Allowed

    so let me guess this straight:

    White people get to decide what is or isn't offensive to everyone else. Which leads to the second rule:

    -If you're offended by Colbert you're stupid and have thin skin.

    -It's okay to be racist if you're being ironic.

    -It's okay to be racist if you're in character.

    -It's okay to be racist if your racism serves a purpose.

    -Racism isn't a big deal.

    Did I miss anything?

    • David

      You missed the difference between satire and reality. Probably a
      difference you'll never understand. By the way, Mel Brooks is clearly a
      virulent racist, I mean look at all of the jokes he made in Blazing

      • Xander Legere

        Doesn't Mel Brooke's classic fall under the ‘racist for ironic comedic purposes’

    • SocietyisScrewed

      You managed to miss everything. Not sure if that's impressive or depressing.

      • Junoh315

        Considering their name is No Fun Allowed, I'd say that it may have been intentional.

  • Jared Bowcutt

    I really wanted the Huffington post guy to tell Miss Park, “Ma'am, I am not a white person, I am a Caucasian. I imagine you would prefer to be identified as an Asian instead of a Color”.