Colbert Identifies Grave Threat: iPad-Thievin’ Grizzlies Posting Snarky Yelp Reviews

Stephen Colbert knows what you should avoid: Apple-thieving fan-bears

Forget nabbing picnic basket, Yogi Bear is eyeing iPads.

ScreenshotOn Wednesday night's episode of "The Colbert Report," Stephen Colbert noted a grave threat to campers' electronic safety — Apple fan-bears.

"For years, I've warned you that bears are God-less killing machines," the Comedy Central host warned before showing a news clip of a massive grizzly swiping a backpack with an iPad.

"Thanks a lot, bear, you ruined a perfectly good afternoon of watching porn at Jane's Lake," he joked. "The only thing worse than being mauled by a grizz is being mauled by a grizz that gets distracted halfway through to play fruit ninja."

Colbert imagined being shredded by a hungry ursine too distracted by the newly 3G-enabled FaceTime to eat his face. And worse, what happens when the bear hops on Yelp to write about his dining experience?

"Had scrawny backpacker here," he said. "Gamey, tiny portions. Service: meh. Atmosphere: screamy. Def would not eat him again."

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