“The Daily Show” took aim Tuesday night at Pete Hegseth and accused the Trump-appointed Secretary of War of having less class and tact than despised war criminal and former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.
“Let’s start with America’s military, the Karen of the World. They just will not stay out of other countries’ business,” host Ronny Chieng announced at the top of his monologue. He then turned his attention to the meeting Hegseth recently called with all of America’s active military generals, during which the former Fox News host bizarrely condemned the state of “fat troops” and “fat generals and admirals” in the U.S. army.
“Couldn’t you just leave some passive-aggressive comments on their Instagram?” Chieng asked in response, questioning Hegseth’s decision to force America’s generals to come together just to hear that. “This guy will text top-secret war plans, but when it comes to body shaming, he’s like, ‘I want to see their fat faces when I tell them how fat their faces are.’”
Hegseth announced at the meeting that the generals in attendance were no longer permitted to allow beards, long hair or other forms of “superficial individual expression” among their ranks. “According to Pete Hegseth, America’s military standards are now going to be indistinguishable from a Grindr profile,” Chieng joked. “No fatties, no facial hair and get those ladies the f—k out of my sight.”
At his military event this week, Hegseth also found a chance to plug his book, “The War on Warriors,” much to the disgust of Chieng and his “Daily Show” audience. “Say what you want about Henry Kissinger. I mean, at least he never used his position to sell his book, ‘101 War Crimes to Try on Cambodians,’” the host remarked. He then additionally mocked Hegseth’s failed attempt to use FAFO (Internet slang for ;f—k around and find out’) in his speech.
“Not even the leaders of the U.S. military have ever seen a line bomb that hard before,” Chieng observed. “It’s weird, and some would say juvenile, to use Internet slang in a speech to your adversaries. I mean, President Reagan was never like, ‘Mr. Gorbachev, I hawk tuah spit on that wall!’”
Hegseth was, of course, joined at his military gathering by President Trump, who told the army officials in attendance that they and their troops should be prepared to help his administration address the “war from within” in cities like Los Angeles, New York and Chicago.
“Is that what this whole thing was about, giving these generals their marching orders for war against American cities? That’s some pretty dark and scary s–t,” Chieng told his Comedy Central viewers. “Even I know that using American cities as a training ground for the military is kind of messed up, and I don’t think that’s what American soldiers signed up to do.”
