Caitlyn Jenner Tells Bill Simmons That She Contemplated Suicide During Transition

The transgender reality star says paparazzi photos nearly sent her over the edge

Caitlyn Jenner has long been open about the challenges of her transition, and on the latest episode of Bill Simmons’ HBO show “Any Given Wednesday,” she told the host how she had once contemplated suicide.

After finally having an operation on her Adam’s apple, the former Olympian was photographed by paparazzi leaving her doctor’s office, she recalled.

“I could not sleep that night. I’m up at 3 a.m. walking up and down my hallways … thinking, ‘Damn, all this s— is going to come out tomorrow and it’s going to be horrible,”’ Jenner told Simmons.

“And I said, ‘You know what, easy way, go in the other room, you got a gun, let’s just end it right here.’

“No more pain, no more nothing. I don’t have to deal with the tabloids any longer. I don’t have to deal with any of this. And that was probably the lowest I’ve ever gotten,” she said.

Instead, Jenner went to bed. When she woke up, she realized that suicide was a stupid idea.

“What a terrible way to end your life’s story!’ I don’t want my story to end that way, on a negative note,” she said.

Jenner went on to reveal how her transition has “renewed my excitement for life,” she told Simmons. “My life today is so interesting, so simple.”

She explained that she was recently in Las Vegas to give a speech and for once, she only had to take one case. When she used to go there she would cross-dress and sneak around, so she always had to take two suitcases to pack both male and female clothes. “My life was so complicated,” Jenner said, but now she can “live authentically, it’s so simple.”

The Republican reality star went on to say that while she hasn’t changed her stance on politics, she hasn’t supported Trump yet, or “outwardly supported anybody … I am here to help the entire Republican side when it comes to LGBTQ issues. For that reason I stay on the conservative side. I am trying to help these people understand what the issues are,” she said, adding that those issues include suicide, bullying, being murdered and hate crimes.

“Any Given Wednesday” airs Wednesdays at 10 p.m. on HBO.