“The Daily Show” examined President Trump’s recent Department of Defense rebrand on Wednesday night, noting that it’s probably “not a good sign when a country that’s not at war suddenly sets up a Department of War.”
“What’s the president trying to tell us about what’s going to happen?” asked host Michael Kosta. “It’s like when your doctor asks you to come in and discuss your test results in person. ‘Uh, why? So we can high five over how few STDs I have?’” The comedian then dared to inquire into Trump’s reasoning for the change, only to learn that the president blamed America’s post-World War II military struggles on the country going “woke” and changing its military agency’s name.
“So the military went woke when they changed their name in 1947, that famously woke time period in American history?” Kosta incredulously responded. “I guess wokeness is also why we lost in Vietnam, huh? Big mistake to carpet bomb that country with DVDs of the Black ‘Little Mermaid.’”
Rather than purely mocking Trump’s latest governmental shakeup, though, Kosta decided to embrace it. He even went so far as to suggest what American institution the president should rename next. “If the vibe we’re going for is maximum lethality, we should probably also think about changing the name of the Pentagon,” Kosta suggested. “That name’s not scaring anyone. Pentagon? That’s just a pretentious square.”
“You want the world quivering in their boots?” the “Daily Show” host continued. “From now on, it should be [deep voice] ‘the Polygon of Doom.’” You can check out Kosta’s full Wednesday night monologue yourself in the video below.
Kosta’s momentary excitement about the Department of Defense’s new title quickly dissolved once he learned that Trump has not actually changed the agency’s name, but has instead given it an official “secondary name.”
“Are you telling me the American military just gave itself an official nickname? If anything, that makes it seem weaker,” Kosta remarked. “There’s nothing more pathetic than that friend that tries to create his own nickname. ‘From now on, call me Stevie Muscles.’ OK. That’s cute, Stevie Muscles, but your mom’s here to pick you up.”
The Comedy Central star’s incredulity only grew when he learned that the rebrand will reportedly cost billions of dollars. “This is the same administration that DOGE’d the f—k out of cancer research and food safety,” Kosta reminded viewers. “But they can find billions to change the stationery at the Pentagon?”
