‘Fifty Shades’ Trailer Voiced by ‘Full House’s’ Bob Saget Is Like Hearing Your Dad Seduce Himself (Video)

The former Tanner family patriarch plays both lead roles in the Jamie Dornan-Dakota Johnson sexual teaser

Whether you found “Fifty Shades of Grey” arousing or not, you’re sure to find its latest incarnation starring Bob Saget as sexy as hair on soap.

In a new version of the film’s official trailer, the “Full House” father figure voices both Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson‘s roles, as the chaste Anastasia Steel is coaxed into corporate titan Christian Grey’s freaky-deaky world.

You haven’t lived until you’ve heard Saget seductively recite lines like “My tastes are very singular,” before embarking on a series of halfhearted moans, grunts and groans of what one can only assume is ecstasy?

On second thought, maybe you don’t need to live after all.

Through the rest of the trailer, coquettish come-ons combine with slurping sounds during bedroom and elevator make-outs to form the kind of fatherly sexual innuendo not seen since Woody and Soon-Yi.

Watch the video here.