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Attention, Future Harveys: How to Write an Apology for Sexual Misconduct (Guest Blog)

”I have since learned I was the only one who enjoyed it“

I am deeply sorry to hear that some women have felt disrespected by my actions.

I thought [insert: popping out of a shower naked, sticking my tongue down their throats, wanking off in front of them, grabbing their bottoms] was mutual and fun for all.

I have since learned I was the only one who enjoyed it.

I have also since learned that I have [insert: a drinking problem, a sex addiction problem, restless hands syndrome, a trigger d-ck].

I have therefore decided to seek [insert: therapy, David Boies, the presidency of the United States of America].

I take full responsibility for my insensitive behavior even though [insert: not all of the published accounts are true, I am a national treasure, the accounts reported represent a mere sampling of my smooth moves].

I have always respected [insert: more powerful women, menopausal women, my mom].

Therefore, I am eager to be part of [insert: a public conversation, a mentoring program for high school girls, a new multimedia company made up of men like me and a few aspiring actresses who think they’re auditioning for “Mad Men”].

Thank you.

Katherine Marsh is a journalist and Edgar Award-winning children's author. Her next novel, "Nowhere Boy," about an American boy in Brussels who finds a teenage Syrian refugee hiding in his basement, will be published by Putnam May 2018 and in 15 other languages. A former editor at The New Republic and Rolling Stone, she lives in the glorious hell-hole that is Brussels, Belgium.