If Judd Apatow Wrote a Horror Movie

“The 40 Year Old Psycho,” “Knocked Up by Satan” and “Funny Dead People” won’t be coming to a theater near you

Judd Apatow's next movie (still untitled) comes out on June 1, 2012, Universal announced on Wednesday — and Deal Central has heard (completely false, made up, not true) rumblings that the funnyman could be branching out into horror and/or sequelizing one of his earlier successes.

With Halloween just a few days away, outsiders are telling us that Apatow is considering the following three (phony, manufactured) possibilities:

The 40-Year-Old Psycho — Steve Carell stars as Andy Stitzer, a mild-mannered Toys 'R Us employee with a dark secret — he's a homicidal maniac, only, he's never had the guts to actually kill anyone. That changes when his crazy co-worker (maybe Shelley Malil, but probably not given his limited availability) gives him a crash course in murder. Carell sets his sights on a sweet, single mother (Leslie Mann) and her busty teenage daughter (Kat Dennings), but he begins to fall for the family and struggles with his impulse to kill.

When the leading lady finds out the truth about her new beau, she flees in fear with her daughter, but Andy manages to turn on the charm and lure them back to his creepy house (the last one on the left), which they quickly discover is filled with serial killer memorabilia and disturbing newspaper clippings.

The women make a desperate attempt to escape, but the daughter trips over a giant box of porn and Andy captures them. He ties them up in his basement where he decides to put on the silver roller skates he bought on eBay and ominously circle the damsels in distress while taunting them with bags of sand.

The movie ends with a gory sequence set to songs from the musical "Hair."

Knocked Up by Satan — Seth Rogen stars as Luc Ifer, a fun-loving Canadian slacker with supernatural abilities, including the power to seduce women who are much more attractive than him.

He has a drunken one-night stand with Alison (anyone but Katherine Heigl), a career-minded TMZ reporter who freaks out when she learns she's pregnant with Satan's spawn. Luc and Alison try to make the relationship work but she's freaked out by his horns and he's spooked by her boss, Harvey Levin, who is expected to cameo as himself.

As Luc grows more controlling (he insists on naming the child Damien), Alison decides to team up with her bitchy sister (Leslie Mann), her Asian doctor (Ken Jeong) and a pot-smoking priest with pink-eye (Paul Rudd) to battle the Devil and rid herself of the red-tailed curse growing inside of her.

Funny Dead People — Described by insiders as a rom-zom-dramedy, the movie would star Adam Sandler as Bill Simmons (George's twin brother), a successul stand-up comedian who has recently died from cancer.

When one of his fans, Raaaaaandy (Aziz Ansari), casts a voodoo curse that brings him back to life as a wise-cracking animated corpse, he sets out to reunite with the one who got away — Laura (Leslie Mann), the love of his life who left him after college because he didn't like her favorite musical, "Cats."

However, when Laura learns that her ex-boyfriend is a zombie, she tries to get away again. Unfortunately, she lives on a remote Australian ranch with her rugby-playing husband Clarke (Eric Bana) and their two precocious young daughters (Maude & Iris Apatow), so there's no place for the family to run.

They're forced to barricade themselves inside the ranch and sweat out their survival while Sandler mopes around outside telling dirty jokes to the rugby team's Swedish doctor (Torsten Voges), who lives in the family's barn with a rapping ranch hand (RZA) and a sarcastic reporter (Aubrey Plaza) who's writing a story about the hulking Clarke's alleged steroid abuse.

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