Step 1: Offer a thoughtful gift, like a first edition of “The Iliad.” If she can’t accept it, because she thinks it cost too much money, lie and say you bought it for a buck at a garage sale.
Step 2: Inquire about her shoes, and say something like, “Those kinds of shoes are for a woman trying to be sexy. You don’t need to try.”
According to the writers of Jan. 23 release from Universal, those two moves will no doubt lead to the NSFW fantasy you’ve been dreaming about your entire life. But then comes the tricky part: Don’t become obsessed with her and/or try to kill her.
Believe it or not, that might not only ruin your chances entirely, but land you in prison.
Unfortunately for Lopez, the trailer for “The Boy Next Door” suggests her teenage dream succumbs to the temptation to become a complete psychopath.