Jimmy Fallon did an important public service on Wednesday’s episode of “The Tonight Show,” by pandering hard to Swifties with a fun monologue gag in which he explained a vexing political situation using the title of Taylor Swift songs.
“Trump’s meeting with Vladimir Putin is almost here, and today, Trump warned that Russia will face severe consequences if Putin doesn’t agree to end the war,” Fallon said as he teed the bit up. “You have severe consequences? Putin responded ‘like, what, a second meeting? Forget this.”
“Trump is hosting Putin at a US military base because it’s peak tourist season in Alaska, and the options were limited. This meeting could end a war, and Alaska’s like, ‘Ooh, sorry, but the Marriott conference room is all tied up with a rotary club salmon retreat. What are you doing?” Fallon continued.
“Well, guys, the two big stories right now are Trump and Putin’s summit in Alaska, and, of course, Taylor Swift announcing her new album. We thought there’s no better way to explain the summit than by breaking it down using Taylor Swift’s songs,” Fallon said, and then he proceeded to do just that.
“So for a long time that Trump would look at Putin and think, You Belong With Me. And when people told him to stay away from Putin, he’d just Shake It Off and shout, but Daddy, I Love Him. But recently they’ve had some Bad Blood,” Fallon began.
“And of course, Putin has a terrible Reputation. Actions in Ukraine that even have Trump like You Need to Calm Down. Anyway, now it’s August, and they’re meeting in Alaska. Trump had texted Putin ‘Florida!!!‘ in all caps, but Putin left him on Red. So Alaska it is,” Fallon continued.
“It’ll be cold, so Trump’s packing his Cardigan, but Putin will be shirtless on a White Horse. Anyway. Ahead of the meeting, Americans are worried that Trump isn’t Ready for It, since his mind is basically a giant Blank Space,” the host went on. “Also he’s distracted by the Epstein scandal, he’ll tell Putin, it’s been a Cruel Summer, because everyone thinks I Did Something Bad, but I swear everyone on the island was 22 and Putin will be like, You’re Losing Me, You’re on Your Own Kid. We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together. But hey, that’s just Karma, feat. Ice Spice.
For your convenience we put all the song titles in bold. Watch the delightful bit below:
