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New NASA Hire Will Make Sure ‘Alien: Covenant’ Doesn’t Come True

Space agency seeks to thwart alien attempts to enter spaceships, new NASA job listing says

Maybe the Xenomorphs in the “Alien” films wouldn’t have killed all those people if the Weyland-Yutani Corporation had hired a Planetary Protection Officer. Fortunately, that is exactly the position NASA is currently hiring for, according to a job listing on the government employment site USAJobs.

According to the job listing, whoever becomes NASA’s Planetary Protection Officer will have the job of making sure that “organic-constituent and biological contamination” doesn’t end up on the space agency’s ships. This might include bacteria that is not native to Earth, or, in the case of “Alien: Covenant,” spores that enter the human body and grow into bloodthirsty creatures that rip themselves out of the bodies of their hosts.

This job will cover both manned missions containing astronauts and Earth specimens and robotic missions — like the Mars Rover missions, where samples from other planets may be collected. Candidates must also have previous experience managing space programs and demonstrate “skills in diplomacy that resulted in win-win solutions during extremely difficult and complex multilateral discussion.” You know, just in case Ellen Ripley warns you that a planet with extremely profitable resources should be completely avoided and a bunch of rich businessmen want to ignore her.

It’s a job with a lot of requirements and responsibility, and that’s why it pays well. Salary range? $124,000 to $187,000. Too bad Mr. Weyland couldn’t include this position on his payroll.

“Alien: Covenant” is available on Blu-Ray Aug. 15.