Feb. 14, otherwise known as Single’s Awareness Day (SAD) or more popularly known as “Valentine’s Day,” is upon us. But, whatever. Either way, here are some things to watch if you loathe all the love and hearts and crap. Enjoy.
“E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial”
You’ve probably seen this movie before, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t watch it again and relive all those precious emotions once more.
Yes, it might have you shedding a few tears, but at least it won’t be over some sappy love story.
“V for Vendetta”
What better way to forget about Valentine’s Day than a movie about a fascist government and a vigilante? There is no better way.
You might not want to watch this alone — or maybe you do. We don’t know your life.
A true-crime author finds home movies that show the murder he’s researching is the work of a serial killer from a long time ago.
This one is actually pretty scary and has a few twists. Definitely anti-Valentine’s Day.
“All Good Things”
This movie starts out great and lovey enough with a couple in love, but things take a turn for the worst when they can’t seem to make their marriage work.
So even if you were in a relationship and happy this Valentine’s Day, chances are it probably wouldn’t work anyways so yeah.
Nothing is as anti-Valentine’s as a depressing movie about three poor black kids from rural Mississippi who witness violence, drug abuse and addiction on a constant basis.
“He Got Game”
This Spike Lee movie will have you forget that it’s even Valentine’s Day at all.
Denzel Washington plays a basketball star’s father who ends up in prison after accidentally killing his wife during a domestic violence dispute.
This movie is about a weird supernatural being that follows you and tries to kill you and the only way to get rid of it is if you have sex with someone.
So I guess that’s a good way to be happy about probably not getting any on this special love holiday.
You’ll be happy you’re not married to a psycho lunatic who’s trying to kill you and your family after watching this. Happy Valentine’s Day to you.
“The Big Short”
Yaaassss, wealthy Wall Street white men take advantage of the nation’s collapsing housing industry and make even more millions. Yay capitalism.
This movie will probably direct your hatred of Valentine’s Day elsewhere and for a better cause.
“Michael Che Matters”
They say laughter is the best medicine for practically everything.
So laugh your sorrows, sadness and singleness away with Michael Che as he takes on topics like Black Lives Matter and white girls dancing.
A movie about a womanizer is totally the best way to be grateful that your last date with the guy you met at the bar didn’t go well.
Because he’s a womanizer too. Just trust us on this.
“Kill Me Three Times”
This movie is about a husband who believes his wife is having an affair so he hires someone to kill her.
Awww, sweet love.
Some high school kids get caught up in a drug deal. Also one of the kids is trying to get at a girl, but it seems like she only likes him because he helps her out with her studies.
Ahh, young love, so innocent, so stupid.