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Oscars 2017: 7 Best Jokes From Jimmy Kimmel’s Opening Monologue (Video)

Academy Awards host throws playful jabs at Matt Damon, Damien Chazelle

Jimmy Kimmel opened the Oscars telecast on Sunday with a few friendly jabs at his archnemesis Matt Damon and other nominees like “La La Land” director Damien Chazelle.

Kimmel said he was going to finally bury the hatchet with Damon, saying, “I’ve known Matt for a long time now. When I first met Matt, I was the fat one.”

He also poked fun at Chazelle’s young age, telling the audience, “Tonight is very important for Damien. If he wins tonight he’ll be able to go to any college he wants.”

Here are seven of the best jokes from Kimmel’s monologue:

1. “People have been telling me its time to bring people together…I can’t do that. There’s only one Braveheart [Mel Gibson] in this room and he’s not going to unite us either.”

2. “I’ve known Matt for a long time now. When I first met Matt, I was the fat one…And that movie, ‘The Great Wall,’ went on to lose $80 million.”

3. “Black people saved movies and white people saved jazz.”

4. “Tonight is very important for Damien. If he wins tonight he’ll be able to go to any college he wants.”

5. Referring to “Manchester by the Sea” being an Amazon film–“Congratulations to [Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos]. If you win tonight you can expect your Oscar to arrive in 2-5 business days.”

6. “We don’t discriminate against people based on what countries they come from [in Hollywood]. We discriminate against people based on their age and weight.”

7. “This is Meryl’s 20th Oscar nomination, even more amazing considering she wasn’t in a movie this year…That’s a nice dress by the way. Is that Ivanka?”