“I have a very clear prediction for the finale,” said Jimmy as we waited on baited breath.
“There’ll be a guy in it.” Ominous words for those of us who were hoping for the first girl-on-girl finale since Fantasia Barrino defeated Diana DeGarmo way back in Season 3.
Alas, ‘twas not to be. Here we are ten seasons in and only eight ladies have made it to finale show, compared to 12 guys.
Assuming you did the math there, you know that — spoiler alert! — Scotty McCreery is indeed competing on Tuesday’s final performance show. (Don’t forget: next week’s shows are on Tuesday and Wednesday. Gleeks and “Biggest Loser” fanatics will just have to channel the wisdom of Solomon.)
While I find this disappointing, it’s not exactly surprising. The judges have been pimping out Scooter from the beginning. He remains the only Season 10 contestant to never land in the Bottom Three and the harshest of his critiques have ranged from “I felt like I was at a Scotty concert” to “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
In fact, the only thing close to a Scooter scandal was during Group Week when he didn’t stand up for Jacee Badeaux, the little cherub who was kicked out of his group at the eleventh hour by Clint Jun Gamboa.
This lapse in chivalry actually ended up helping Scotty’s image. When he apologized for “not being the man he should’ve been,” you could practically hear the Heartland dialing in their rotary phone votes. When he admited that he later went back to his room and cried, he locked in the tween vote (and offered us shades of the hometown visit to come).
So which girl would be voted out this week? We could only hope it was whoever was dressing Lauren. She is by no means a fat girl, but the cropped teal jacket and return of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader boots did not do her figure any favors.
Perhaps the producers are trying to emphasize her cornfed birthing hips in a bid to appeal to those in middle America. I prefer the prom dress.
To find out the results, we had to survive a promo for “Super 8,” which looks like a cross between “Stand By Me” and “War of the Worlds.” Superproducer J.J. Abrams offered the Idols a sneak peak of selected clips. The brains behind “Lost” and “Alias,” he is undoubtedly a genius … which makes me wonder why he cast Elle Fanning, who appeared in the “Idol” audience.
Talking to Seacrest, she giggled uncontrollably while trying to spit out who her 6-year-old cousin’s favorite Idol is. (Scotty, of course.) Newsflash, Elle: We don’t even care who your favorite is! Where sister Dakota is annoyingly precocious, Elle is annoyingly and absolutely 'tween.
As for the hometown visits, Haley went back to Chicagoland, where it literally rained on her parade.
She cursed her way through the Chicago streets before arriving in her hometown of Wheeling. Greeted by a frenzied crowd, she marveled at how many people showed up in spite of the rain.
“Thank you, thank you for freaking out!” Back in the car she showed her softer side, before killing it with sarcasm. “I don’t want to cry today but it’s probably gonna happen … Especially when I see Aaron cry,” she said, gesturing toward a bodyguard bigger than Ruben Studdard.
Over at Wheeling High, boys painted their chests in honor of Haley and folks held up signs with slogans such as “Goldilocks Rocks!” Touched, Haley addressed her alma mater: “I see familiar faces, I see new faces, but all the same I see people who are supporting me and that’s all that matters.”
She then capped off the day by performing alongside her father for an Arlington Park audience of 30,000.
Italian boy band Il Volo, already a huge hit in Europe, then took the “Idol” stage to introduce Americans to some real “cultura.”
Like Scotty and Lauren, the trio ranges in age from 16 to 17 and is talented beyond their years. The Three Tenors of the Facebook generation, these guys infused operatic vocals with a pop flair.
Keep an eye on them.
Judging by Scotty’s homecoming, it’s no wonder he made it into the finals.
Garner, N.C. was in utter pandemonium. The streets outside the local radio station, renamed “Scotty 94.7,” were filled with shrieking girls and signs that said “Scotty is a Hottie.”
Guess being a teen and being on “Idol” automatically qualifies you as a “teen idol.”
Scotty visited his old stomping grounds — the pitcher’s mound, his old job at the grocery store — amidst sobbing girls.
In fact, the only one who cried more than his obsessed fans was Scotty himself.
He broke down in the car and during his parade. As he started in with a familiar tune about lockin’ them doors and turnin’ the lights down low, the entire crowd sang along.
Then — surprise! — Josh Turner, the original singer of “Your Man” showed up to sing along.
It was almost as if Scotty were running for President when he addressed the crowd. “It’s Top Three and I’m gonna work my tail off to win this thing and bring it back to Garner, N.C.!” he promised. A red, white and blue sign reading: “God Bless America & God Bless Scotty,” added the perfect patriotic touch.
“I’ve only lived about 17 years so far but this might just be the best day of my life,” an emotional Scooter told the camera. Ah, hitting your entire life’s peak at 17; we should all be so lucky.
Nicole Scherzinger appeared in a taped performance of “Right There” with neither dolls nor pussycats, but 50 Cent.
Sporting a rumba costume from “Dancing With the Stars,” she came off as an oversexed wannabe Beyonce, with lyrics and gyrations that were the opposite of family friendly. Speaking of B, why didn’t this week’s guest mentor perform? Scherzinger is clearly blackmailing someone in power.
Lauren’s hometown visit to Rossville, Ga. pulled at America’s heartstrings by featuring tornado footage backed by Martina McBride’s “Anyway,” a song Alaina sang just weeks ago.
Sample lyric: You can spend your whole life building something from nothin.’ One storm can come and blow it all away. Build it anyway. Lauren got emotional when driving past a demolished high school where she cheered her last basketball game and meeting a tiny hero who saved his family from the wreckage. “I’m proud to be from Georgia, just like you,” a tearful Lauren smiled.
There were moments of pure joy, too, though. She had an interview over at the “Bearman & Ken” radio show and made an appearance at the staple of hometown visits, the AT&T store. She also had a parade and got to throw out the first pitch for the Chattanooga Lookouts.
She sang “Anyway” again for a massive crowd at Coolidge Park after giving her storm condolences. “I just had the best day of my life,” she beamed.
“After the nationwide vote,” said Seacrest, “I can now tell you the results….after the break!” Oh, Seacrest! Haley rolled her eyes and shook her head along with the rest of America.
After the break, it was time for Seacrest to reveal the results of the 95 million votes cast, the highest of any non-finale show in the history of the franchise. Not surprisingly, it was also 15 million more than last year’s finale. Scotty is announced as the first finalist and hugs the girls with a Cheshire Cat grin.
Then: “After the nationwide vote, the person who will come against Scotty in the finale is … Lauren Alaina.” A giddy Lauren practically squealed with excitement, and turning to hug Haley, was met with an icy look. Once Haley got over her shock, she blew kisses to the audience.
Jennifer Lopez didn’t even feign emotion this time around. In fact, it was a little sad how casual the judges seemed to be. Haley, the comeback kid, couldn’t quite come back when it mattered most.
She addressed her fans with class: “This is the biggest platform anybody can ask for and I rocked it out and I had a blast. This is only the beginning. I thank you guys all so very much.”
Reprising “Benny and the Jets,” she gyrated even more than usual, making one wonder if she was actually holding back before.
All trashiness and talent, she is the Tonya Harding of “Idol.” Singing to a bobbing Jacob Lusk and Naima Adedapo, she ended up in the arms of her parents. As the credits rolled, Steven was first up on stage to hug her as an indifferent J. Lo followed.
