Like the rest of America, Stephen Colbert is trying to figure out whether we’re actually heading into a recession. To answer that pressing question, the CBS late night host turned to some non-traditional indicators.
By the official definition of a recession, the financial event occurs when a country experiences two consecutive quarters of negative gross domestic product growth. During the first quarter of 2025, the United States saw its first signs of shrinkage with the GDP falling at a 0.3% annualized pace. But like any wise man, Colbert knows to look for signs beyond traditional reports.
“Instead of full-sized booze bottles, the company that makes Jack Daniel’s reports that consumers are buying more small bottles lately,” Colbert said on Wednesday night. “Could be a sign of recession. Could be that it’s just Little League season.”
At that, the comedian pulled out a mini bottle of Jack Daniel’s and gave his best drunk Little League dad impression. “‘Hey ump, Tanner was safe!’” Colbert said, drinking from the tiny bottle. “‘No, Linda, this was not like the violin recital!’”
Another alcohol-related indicator has to do with craft beer sales being down. “If people can’t afford craft beer, they’ll take to the streets. It’ll be the first million brother-in-law march,” Colbert joked.
Sales for men’s underwear has also dropped 6% as some professionals have observed that men only stop replacing their underwear when they’re worried about money. Finally, strippers have reported that they’re getting half the tips they previously received.
“But what those customers lack in tips they make up for in sparkling personality,” Colbert said. Watch the full CBS monologue above.
