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Stephen Colbert Takes a Guess at What Sports-Free ESPN Looks Like (Video)

It’s not the NBA finals

On Tuesday’s “The Late Show,” Stephen Colbert took a guess at that ESPN will look like now that sports have effectively been canceled for the foreseeable future, and the results were… pretty good actually. We’d watch.

Of course, you all know by now that content providers have been badly impacted by the national shutdown caused by the coronavirus pandemic, especially ones dedicated to industries that have completely stopped, like sports. ESPN has been toying around with programming ideas to replace the now-canceled/postponed major sports events and leagues, including “HORSE Challenge” featuring NBA and WNBA all-stars in a social-distancing take on the schoolyard game.

But that’s just one show. So it is that Colbert thought up some other possible ESPN shows to come.

For instance, there’s “Street Snowboarding,” AKA a guy on a skateboard without trucks or wheels. And “Lazy Parkour,” which is just a guy on a couch. “Solitary Hill Rolling,” meanwhile, is exactly what it sounds like. There there’s “Old Man Hide-and-Seek” which, again is what it sounds like.

“Regional Soap Opera Slapping Finals” is just clips of people from soaps slapping each other. “First-Time Water Skiers Invitational” appears to result in drowned competitors. “Divorced Dad Calisthenics” is as lonely as you imagine. “On-Land Santa Rafting” puts guys in Santa suits into an on-land raft. The “Westminster Banana-on-Dog Show” is someone’s adorable dog with a banana on its head. And “Best of Old Man Hide-and-Seek” is, again, what it sounds like.

It’s fun stuff and you can watch it below right now: