Stephen Colbert called out President Trump on Tuesday night for failing to address Americans’ concerns about the economy and housing market, accusing the Commander-in-Chief of being an “old nepo billionaire who simply does not understand how hard it is for regular people to survive these days.”
“Right now, regular people are not happy,” Colbert said, referencing a recent survey that showed public satisfaction to be the lowest it’s been since 1951. “Consumers have not felt this bad since we fed our babies cigarettes,” the “Late Show” host joked.
“While most Americans can’t afford a house or pasta to cook it in, Trump is slathering the White House in gold like an Ottoman sultan freebasing nougat,” Colbert observed. In case viewers forgot about Trump’s plan to add a ballroom to the White House, the CBS comedian went out of his way to remind them, noting, “You may recall that Donald Trump destroyed the East Wing of the White House to build a massive compensation for his weird tiny penis.”
Elsewhere in his Tuesday monologue, Colbert added, “Trump is doing his best to convince people that they actually like his economy that they hate. He keeps bragging that a Thanksgiving meal basket from Walmart is 25% cheaper than last year. Just one problem: It has half as many items as last year.”
“So it’s not an apples-to-apples comparison, which is good because apples are up almost 5% from last year,” he continued. “Reminds me of the old saying, ‘An apple a day? Oh no, I’m ruined!’” You can watch the full “Late Show” segment yourself in the video below.
Colbert also took aim at Trump’s new, proposed 50-year mortgage plan to help more Americans afford homes. The proposal is projected to only lower Americans’ monthly housing payments by a few hundred dollars, while practically doubling the amount of interest they would pay compared to a 30-year mortgage. “That’s a hell of a leap,” Colbert remarked. “I haven’t seen a deal this bad since Payless ran their infamous promotion: Buy One, Get Scabies.”
Trump was apparently convinced of the plan’s merit by Federal Housing Finance Agency Director Bill Pulte, who reportedly pitched it using a 3×5 poster of Trump’s photo underneath a 50-year mortgage plan next to Franklin D. Roosevelt’s photo underneath his 30-year mortgage plan. “So, he just sees a poster and, 10 minutes later, it’s public policy?” Colbert asked, before holding up his own poster of a dancing burger telling Trump to resign. “We need to get someone, anyone, into Mar-a-Lago with this poster,” Colbert announced.
Additionally, “The Late Show” ran a fake ad promoting Trump’s 50-year mortgage plan, which joked, “Don’t worry that you’ll be long dead before your home is paid off, because we’ll send the bills right to your grave … Think of the equity you’ll be building up while your flesh is falling off.”
