You might have been disturbed by reports that at least two senators appear to have made a tidy profit from insider knowledge about the coronavirus pandemic, but on Friday, “The Daily Show” correspondent Michael Kosta found humor in the situation to lift your moods. Kind of.
Before we get to the jokes, some background. On Thursday, Pro Publica broke the news that on Jan. 24 Sen. Richard Burr attended a classified intelligence briefing in which he and other senators were warned that a coronavirus pandemic was likely, and that the economy would suffer. Pro Publica reported that, almost immediately, Burr began selling off stock, eventually making more than a million dollars, while, during the same period and over several weeks, he publicly downplayed the risk of a pandemic.
Later on Thursday, The Daily Beast reported that Sen. Kelly Loeffler, who attended the same briefing, did the same thing, and also bought shares in a company that makes telecommuting software. Though both senators deny they committed crimes, they do not actually dispute the substance of the reports, only the assertion that their actions were criminal. Burr has called for an ethics probe.
Anyway, now for the jokes. In the fun fun video, filmed as part of the show’s coronavirus hiatus-imposed digital-only content, Kosta offers up stock advice for people impacted by the pandemic and, well, it’s the perfect amount of cynicism.
“The stock market is a bloodbath,” Kosta says in the clip filmed from his apartment because he is at home socially distancing, like all of you reading this hopefully. “But I’ve got some hot tips for how you, the average American, can make some big bucks in this brutal market.”
Here are Kosta’s tips:
1) “Is there a Senate seat available in your state? Go for it.”
2) “Now that you’re a senator, go to your classified briefings. Top secret information is top dollar information… I mean what are they gonna do? Arrest a senator?”
“That’s it, that’s really how simple it is,” Kosta concluded.
We’re laughing through our tears.
Watch the clip above.