Bill Maher Gives Best Commencement Speech of 2041 in Futuristic ‘New Rules’ (Video)

HBO’s “Real Time” host shares advice from podium of “University of California Goldman Sachs”

“I’d love to tell you kids that the world is your oyster, but all the oysters are dead.”

That’s some of the great advice doled out by sad sack graduation speaker Bill Maher, addressing the “University of California Goldman Sachs” Class of 2014.

The futuristic “New Rules” segment from Friday’s “Real Time” included some even scarier notions, like the two worst words ever pieced together in the English language: “President Kardashian.” She apparently ruled “back before Canada built a wall to keep us out,” Maher claimed. Smart Canucks.

“The leading cause of death in our country is going outside,” he’ll also tell his doomed pupils in 25 years.

Still, there’s cause for some hope. “This could be the year that Flint, Michigan’s tap water could be drinkable again,” the comedian quipped. Fingers crossed.

Let’s just not all panic about the somehow even-worse state of affairs approaching.

“Did we panic during the Zika epidemic of 2018? No! And many of the pinheaded babies born that year have gone on to become fine Republican congressmen,” Maher joked. “Did we panic when Jesus returned to Earth, took one look at us, and said, ‘F— You,’ and left? No!”

Sounds like an awesome future awaits us all. Watch the video above.

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