John Oliver on New Year’s Resolutions: ‘Lower Your Standards’ (Video)

“Last Week Tonight” host gives helpful hints on how to reduce expectations on self-improvements

John Oliver made a brief return from his “Last Week Tonight” hiatus to tell his viewers to lower their standards for their New Year’s Resolutions.

While many people use the changing of the calendar year to set goals for self-improvement, Oliver reminded people that statistically speaking, they were going to fail, like people who say they want to exercise more.

“Exercise is like reading for your muscles, except you can’t watch a movie of someone else exercising and basically get the gist of it,” Oliver said. “Instead of beating yourself up over it, simply lower your standards for what counts as exercise.”

He then offered examples of a number of activities that would get your heart rate up like exercise without actually having to exercise, like sleeping through your alarm for work or taking a home pregnancy test.

Oliver also mocked people who resolve to eat healthier, particularly those who buy a new crockpot to cook nutritious meals. “Clearly that was never going to happen,” Oliver said. Instead, people with crockpots sitting on the shelf could put them to better use, like making a hot tub for mice living in your apartment.

“Last Week Tonight” returns to HBO on Feb. 14.

Watch the video.