Writers from “The Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe” just revealed their jokes that Ann Coulter rejected for her time on the dais.
Mike Lawrence and Earl Skakel penned some quips for the polarizing political pundit, but she elected to use her own material, the duo shared Monday night during a Facebook Live after-show.
“Fun fact about that: We wrote her a lot of jokes. She does not understand humor or joy,” Lawrence said. “She turned them down and decided — most of what you saw was her own stuff.”
The guys then rolled a few of her actual attempts. They weren’t good or easy to watch.
Lawrence described Coulter’s sense of humor as “the perfect trio of comedy: racism, homophobia and Mike Pence — you can’t go wrong there.”
The two then broke out hand puppet Coultergeist, which Lawrence described as “different than the real Ann Coulter in the sense that it can’t physically smile, and the person fisting it is not being paid lots of money.”
Coultergeist then shared six jokes that writers presented to the non-puppet version, who decided they weren’t up to snuff.
Read those below, and watch them performed by a puppet in Lawrence’s voice via the video above.
“I have to say, Rob, it’s nice to finally not be the most hated person in the room.”
“Peyton Manning is a model citizen and his forehead is a model for the wall that Trump’s going to put between the U.S. and Mexico.”
“Ralph Macchio‘s first-ever credit was in the movie, ‘Up the Academy,’ playing a character called Chooch Bambalazi. Are you serious? Even Donald Trump thinks it’s too racist to call a wop Chooch Bambalazi.”
And here’s three more:
“That would be like if Jeff Ross‘ first credit was a character named Mosha Gefilte Fish Streisand Sixmillionberg. And before you ask, Jeff, I wouldn’t f— you with Hillary Clinton’s d—.”
“Rob Lowe is like America: He hasn’t been great since Reagan was president and unemployment is becoming more and more of a problem for him.”
“Giving you a roast is the worst decision Comedy Central’s made since they replaced Jon Stewart with a South African child. That’s a Trevor Noah joke, the one immigrant I’m most excited to see deported. Am I white, people? Am I white?”