"Taboo" is an extremely dirty show. Like, not just in the "trashy subject matter" kind of way but in the "the Prince Regent of England looks like a toad and Tom Hardy bites people's throats out" kind of way. And also in the "these are not good people" kind of way. So we're rating the characters of "Taboo" by dirtiness in all the various kinds of ways, from least to most dirty. (Warning: mild spoilers ahead).
16. George Chichester (Lucian Msamati)
The double whammy of apparently being a legitimately good, upstanding person (the only one on the show, among the adults at least), and also being kempt at all times. Good work, George.
15. Lorna Bow (Jessie Buckley)
She seems generally good, but being an actor who performs on stage in front of the literal unwashed masses gives her a barely visible sheen of grime.
14. Godfrey (Edward Hogg)
Godfrey is the main secretary for the East India Company, so he has to wear relatively clean clothes and probably is expected to not smell like manure most of the time. And then at night he layers on makeup and wears a dress. I can't help but assume this combination of things requires a ton of bathing since he pretty much looks impeccable at all times.
13. Zilpha (Oona Chaplin)
She seems like she takes a bath every single episode, which I imagine makes her physically the cleanest character on the whole show by default. But her demonic sex sessions with her dear half-brother James seems like it could be hygienically and/or spiritually problematic.
12. Zilpha's husband (Jefferson Hall)
He's an angry drunk! He beats his wife! He falls on the ground a lot! Is extremely insecure! Wants to move to Australia! All of this is problematic, but at least he's not usually all that physically dirty. In the grand scheme of this show he's kind of a mundane level of metaphorically dirty.
11. Stuart Strange
Strange doesn't appear to ever go outside, he's extremely rich and I haven't noticed any dirt on his face yet. He's very dirty on the inside, though, since he's the CEO of a globe-spanning corporation in an era without much in the way of regulations.
10. Brace (David Hayman)
We never see him bathe or anything, but he's a housekeeper. That's gotta count for something even if he is also a murderer.
9. Solomon Coop (Jason Watkins)
Ole Solomon is the kind of guy who tells other people to do the torture while he watches instead of doing it himself because he's the only who has to report back to the Prince Regent and for some reason that requires he be physically clean. But he ain't clean. Not on the inside. Now you know the metaphor of this show.
8. Robert (Tom Taylor)
This is a child who makes gunpowder. Meaning he's not clean. But he's also just trying to get by with no vile ulterior motives or whatever, making him the extreme average of this group.
7. Winter (Ruby-May Martinwood)
Is a child who lives in a dirty brothel. We don't presently have words for that kind of dirty.
6. Helga (Franka Potente)
This madame runs the sort of brothel where everybody being dirty is a selling point.
5. Dumbarton (Michael Kelly)
An American doing espionage in London, Dumbarton stages fake cholera outbreaks to hide wherever he's living. Gets muck all over him and he just leaves it there. Wallows in it, really. Though his dirtiness may be strategic in his capacity as a spy, dirt is dirt.
4. Chomondley (Tom Hollander)
I was gonna say something like "he's clean enough to be allowed into classy society parties," but they also let ole Demon Delaney into those. Given that he's a chemist who is constantly hitting on women I'm just going to assume the worst about him.
3. Atticus (Stephen Graham)
The first time we met this guy he was covered in blood and didn't even try to wipe it off his face. He enjoys doing murders, but his complete lack of any moral pretension helps him a little bit.
2. Prince Regent (Mark Gatiss)
He's so physically disgusting it's hard to imagine this character wasn't designed as some kind of metaphor by "Taboo" creator Steven Knight. But when he's onscreen, I'm far too distracted by how gross he is to figure out what the metaphor is supposed to mean.
1. James Delaney (Tom Hardy)
His hygiene is aided by his jaunts into the river, but he's the dirtiest character overall on the show even so because said accidental baths can't cleanse his blackened heart and soul. Also, we can't forget about those demonic sex powers he has.
